The oh-six…
I hate how fast time flies. It’s December already – and it forces me to realise that I'm one year closer to being grown up. Soon I’ll be spending less on shit I don’t need – sneakers in every colour, 20-inch rims, tattoos and entertainment – and spending more on shit I don’t want, but really need. Like washing machines, life insurance, a "welcome" carpet and prostate exams. Looking back… everyone always wonders what the hell have they achieved? It’s like time just went by but you stayed put! Or did you? Are you not a year wiser? Learning from a year’s worth of mistakes and wrong turns?
But seriously, try to sum up all your year’s highlights onto a page – even the most boring of us would struggle. No doubt, I’d love to re-live every “News from one fucked up weekend” again. Man, good times… so many drinks were drunk, such laughs laughed, such belters belted and dance-offs danced!
But here’s Chump’s year in review – some of Chump's personal highlights and the news that rocked the world.
January ‘06
Wezzo opened our '06 account with a welcome back from the laziness that was the December holidays, and a quick summary of the previous year and how we nearly broke up this boy band late in ’05. Good thing we didn’t…
Dari came back from five months in the States to complete the foursome and to be re-united with all the ex-best friends. Not that anyone even realized he was gone!
February ‘06
Feb saw tears from us as we waved goodbye to our beloved Tiger Tiger, and with that, almost goodbye to our social lives… what were we to do without the place where “News from one fucked up weekend” was built!
Chump turned one year old {sob!}, and no one even realized…
March ‘06
March brought on the event that we lived for – the SA Blog Awards. We blogged for an entire year with the goal to win in ’06 – just to prove that all those hours spent scouring the internet for porn weren’t in vain. We came away with Best Group Blog and the awesome Most Humourous Blog! A huge thank you to our 10 readers – thanks Mom, you’re the best! And I promise I’ll pay you back for all the dial-up time you spent voting for us.
April ‘06
April brought us a startling reminder of the violent society that we live in. South Africa – a beautiful, awesome place to live – unfortunately, plagued by some serious socio-economic issues. Rest in peace Mr Crazy Monkey! Like Jinja said, foot-surfers will be remembering you long time!
May ‘06
J.Z. J-Zee. Jay-Z. Jay-Zee. Whatever you called him, he was a doos. Another reminder that we live in South Africa. Not many countries can boast about a retarded deputy prez that was fired from his post, involved in a corruption scandal like no other, is accused of rape but merely showers all his problems away like he is above it all.
And onto more positive stories. After months of searching, interviewing and soliciting, we finally added a fifth member to this boy band. Mikey joined to add to the mayhem and never looked back since!
We got reviewed. By a real dick. But who cares, everyone has opinions right? In fact, I think it brought us more readers than it did him. But we don’t do this for the readers. We do it for the money!
Not even a month after joining, Mikey began speaking like us and finally explains to everyone (that isn’t us), exactly what MACHETE DESHTROYER is.
June ‘06
The World Cup. ‘Nuff said. Life stood still. There were lots of soccer-related posts so just take a squiz through the entire June archive.
July ‘06
Wezzo got caught up in Sunday night’s Extreme Makeover Home Edition and decided to try redesign Chump. You know, use some natural, monochromatic colours, more natural lighting and use mirrors to make our blog appear larger. We just thought that was just way too gay, and Wez decided to take his design living to his room instead.
August ‘06
G Man brought us yet another reminder that we do, indeed, live in South Africa. Where Home Affairs, is well, Home Affairs. Don’t expect to find any rocket scientists processing your ID Book.
Dari somehow found himself on DJ Fresh’s drive show on 5fm as he raced taxis down Pretorius Street. Apparently it was a cricket fest, but it did bring a couple readers Chump-side.
Chump launches Hump the Pump for which one lucky reader won himself two grand of fuel. Awesome!
September ‘06
To everyone’s surprise, despite the hours spent blogging, Dari and G Man are rewarded by their offices and sent to the Americas to get fat while earning some Benjamins… and Queen Lizzes (FYI: Canadian cash has the Queen on it!). Follow their tracks as they tear North America up!
The great television entertainer, Steve “Crocodile Hunter” Irwin, departs this Earth to go play in the big zoo in the sky. Rest in peace, mate, we’re missing you. Although I'm sure the crocs down under aren't!
October ‘06
October is matric dance time – and no Safrican newspaper, TV show or internet site is complete without their very own Matric Dance Competition. Chump’s version was somewhat different from the glitz and glamour of other competitions…
November ‘06
We remember the old Britney… {gasp, gasp, sigh}
And G Man turns Chump into a tech review blog? Zune? PS3? Where’s the tits ‘n ass bud?
A number of readers send us the elusive “Minki in the tub” pics… only for us to scrutinize them and assert our professional skepticism about the authenticity thereof. Jeez, where the hell did that line come from? Cambridge?
But November will be remembered mostly for former Seinfeld star, Michael Richards, aka Kramer, totally losing his mind and offending the world during his comedy skit. Did that stimulate some conversation or what?
Oh, and yet another Boys’ High boy captains the Boks…
December '06
We started off our newly established corporate social investment program by hiring an intern, rescuing him from the bad influences of his hockey team, in an attempt to nurture and mold him into a fine young man. And prime porn blogger. Yip, yip, Chump is now six-strong. This kid’s young and restless now, but he’s bound for blogging greatness. Mark our words.
Oh, and we cracked one bar. One million hits! That’s quite amazing considering Chump had such humble beginnings – being conceived in a smoky tent in Mozi as we shhmoked some good shit. Who knew that a blog about us, would attract so many readers? With that said, a huge thank you to you, our readers, once again. Apparently we do this shit for you? I just thought we did it to look busy at work?
And that was our year in review. I hope it was at least half entertaining? This was not easy to write, and I'm sure it would’ve been more interesting if I just dropped an omnibus of all the “Boobs of the Week”, “Caption this” and anything that was rated NSFW.
Enjoy the holidays! We’re not gonna wish you Merry Christmas cos it’s not P.C., and we’re not into offending people… yeah right! Anyways, be safe, wrap it up and come back safely to see us again in the New Year!
Peace!
The ChumpStylers!
Labels: Minki
posted by Dari at Thursday, December 14, 2006 | Permalink |
David Kau: Loxion culcha is the theme as usual. "I can't wait for them to name the Nigerian cardinal as the next Pope, it'll be cool to have a Pope that lives in Hillbrow!" 
Riaad Moosa: His usual coloured Muslim point of view, making tons of Muslim extremist kinda jokes. "Halaal is the traditional slaughtering of animals. So they fly two jumbo jets into livestock? Where the halaal did all the meat go?!"
Darren Simpson: Whackhead prank called Jeremy Mansfield live on stage, telling Jem that he was quitting The Rude Awakening, to join Martin Bester at Jakaranda 94.2. Such choice language was used by Jeremy, including c#nt, f#ck, f@g. He eventually hung up the phone and refused to talk with Whackhead again. Whackhead also tried to call Minki, but it went to voicemail. 
Boobs of the Week
NSFW
