Ever seen a music video on YouTube and then when you go back a couple of weeks later its been removed. Not anymore, Cyber-Knowledge has the music video's you want to see, from Dashboard Confessional's (above) to Third Eye Blind to Eminem to Gorillaz to a band called Lacrimas Profundere. They even have Dave Chappelle, and I highly recommend his "I Wanna Pee On You" video by the way.
Update: OK so some of the video's are no longer available
Spike Jonze has come along way from his skateboard video days. He literally has done it all from music videos for top artists (Beastie Boys, REM, Fatboy Slim, Tenacious D and more) to top major big screen releases - Adaptation, Being John Malkovich, Three Kings and Jackass 1&2. Not many though know that he's done a whole host of commercials as well. (IMDb Profile)
Every single ad has that distinctive Spike Jonze style to them, a certain uneasiness to it. I could just put this out as a "everyone's a winner" but this is award season so there does have to be a #1, so lets get right into it and start off with the ads that didn't quite make it, but need a mention.
Honorable Mentions Miller Auditions - Penguin(Other Miller Audition Ads): The Animal Audition ads were a clever and funny way for Miller to take a pot shot at Budweiser by using their animals to audition for a parts in a Miller ad. All are superbly done.
The only Jonze Ad on the list that's had any airtime in South Africa. To me it feels like Spike's taken certain elements from Being John Malkovitch. But hey, I've been wrong before.
Visualy it's a masterpiece but sadly this little number loses on annoyance. [YouTube Link]
Music: Composed by Squeak E. Clean and featuring Karen O of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs (via). [Download mp3]
#4 GAP - Pardon Our Dust
The tagline read: "Pardon our dust, the all-new GAP is coming." It only ran for a couple of months in a few cities around the States, those with GAP stores going through renovation (link). It's a real pity because it's a classic which deserved to be drilled into those lucky city resident's skulls, rerun after rerun.
It would have earned a better spot on our list if the motorbiker did more than just ride up the escalator. There, I said it. [YouTube Link]
#3 Buddy Lee Dungarees - Hall Of Mirrors
Buddy Lee Dungarees commercials played off the Buddy Movie roles. Think Bad Boys, with Lawrence swapped out with the Buddy Lee Mascot Baby.
There were a number of Buddy Lee commercials, but none of them stood out as much as the Hall of Mirrors. It wouldnt have made it to #3 if it never had "the X factor", X = Y and Y = Fookin Hilarious. You do the math. [YouTube Link] Other Buddy Lee Ads: Be Like Buddy Lee 80 ft Woman
#2 Nike Y2K Jogger
Remember the Y2K scare? Yeah, a crock o' shit that was. I remember filling the bath in case the world ran dry when clock struck the witching hour and eating enough three bean salads for days after to give the Hindenburg flight.
In this Jonze creation the ad plays off of what most feared. It involves a jogger who wakes up on New Years Day 2000 and goes for a casual run amongst absolute chaos, with the tag line firmly drilled home - Just Do It.
Visually this Ad is a treat and fully deserves it's position at #2. Just watch it. [YouTube Link]
#1: Ikea Lamp
It's the ad that almost made the Ikea Brand cool again. It went on to win the best TV commercial for four straight years at the Cannes Lions Advertising Festival notably tearing the famous Honda Cog commercial a new one. Well not really, they came second a year or two.
A tragic tale of a Ikea lamp that gets discarded and thrown out on the street with the trash. Filmed in a way that you start to feel for the little thing as it has to endure the harsh conditions it's never had too, the bitter cold and rain. You're hoping all will end up great for the 112B model, but theres a strange unnerving twist, funny even. I would say "almost Shyamalan like" but I know I'd be beaten with an ugly stick, so I won't.
I don't think anyone will disagree with Jonze's Ikea Directed Commercial grabbing the big #1. [YouTube Link]
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It's taken just over a month for this slacker to put this all together so please, if you like it Digg it, Muti it, del.icio.us'ize it or what ever you web socialites do these days.
Update: Awesome, in the past 2 days this post has had visitors from Gorillamask, USAToday Popcandy, and a number of other blogs as well. All making this the most popular post on Chump to date by far. As Hank said in the comments, well worth the month it took to get it together. Update: Add IMDb to the that list as well.
I won't sugarcoat this letter. This is a very bitter letter. Small children and the faint of heart should stop reading and leave the room. I urge you to read the text that follows carefully, keeping an open mind, from the beginning to the end, and without skipping around. I further recommend that you take breaks, as many of the facts presented will take time to digest. I may be questioning the regnant conventional wisdom by stating this, but maybe if you're not part of the solution, then you're part of the problem.
When I first became aware of Mr. Wezzo P Chumpface IV's covert invasion into our thought processes, all I could think was how either Wezzo has no real conception of the sweep of history, or he is merely intent on winning some debating pin by trying to pierce a hole in my logic with "facts" that are taken out of context. A colleague recently informed me that a bunch of deluded enemies of the people and others in Wezzo's amen corner are about to harvest what others have sown. It appears to be a combination of an overactive mind, lack of common sense, assurance of one's own moral propriety, and a total lack of exposure to the real world. Lest you think that I'm talking out of my hat here, I should point out that there are some basic biological realities of the world in which we live. These realities are doubtless regrettable, but they are unalterable. If Wezzo finds them intolerable and unthinkable, the only thing that I can suggest is that he try to flag down a flying saucer and take passage for some other solar system, possibly one in which the residents are oblivious to the fact that Wezzo is out to replace the search for truth with a situationist relativism based on demented solecism. And when we play his game, we become accomplices. In a rather infamous speech, he exclaimed that the Universe belongs to him by right. The dominant characteristic of Wezzo's bons mots is not that they discredit and intimidate the opposition, but that, in the bargain, they siphon off scarce international capital intended for underdeveloped countries. However, he has been trying hard to protect what has become a lucrative racket for him. Unfortunately, that lucrative racket has a hard-to-overlook consequence: it will engage in or goad others into engaging in illegal acts when you least expect it. The bottom line is that Mr. Wezzo P Chumpface IV's antics are a cancer that gnaws away at the national psyche.
This complaint letter was generated at an awesome site that does just that. Generate complaint letters to your liking: ranging between 1 and 10 paragraphs, about anyone that matters. It is totally random and insanely genius.
The above letter is pure fiction, although in some parts strangely accurate.
So the closest post we've had that comes to porn lately was the Donkey Ass Raping by Dari. And because this is ChumpStyle, and cause I know everybody wants it to happen, and cause I can. Jesse Jane.
Comedian. Muso. Weirdo. Fuck funny. Singer/song writer of comical folk songs, regular song, and slightly kiddy-yet-not-kiddy songs. He's kind of A-mericas very own David Kramer only english and without red shoes. I found a little tribute page of one of his comic songs he does called: "What if that guy from Smashing Pumpkins lost his car keys". Catchy? He thinks so.
News24: Convicted fraudster Tony Yengeni could be sent back to jail if found guilty of animal cruelty, said the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals on Monday.
During his home-coming celebrations at the weekend, Yengeni is said to have stabbed a bull with a spear before it was slaughtered for a feast.
SPCA spokesperson Andries Venter said: "If these allegation are true, then this is definitely a criminal offence under the Animal Protection Act." The SPCA was investigating.
"For this kind of an offence a court could sentence a guilty person to up to 12 months' imprisonment," he said, adding that the offence carried a maximum fine of R200 000. Read More
1/6 of 12 months, whats that, like 2? Man he has it tough. Fuck, I'd fly down and toy-toy with his crew all the way to Pollsmore's gates just to show my "Oh My God Tones, will they ever fucking chill with all this jail time shit" support.
Usually, man taps some ass. In this case, ass taps some man. So many captions, so little time...
I know this is old - I first saw this clip way back when in first year varsity - scouring the net when I should have been listening how to close a window by clicking the X in the top right hand corner.
This is one of those Rodney King moments. Put down the video camera, and help the brother out. Although, filming it does make for some awesome entertainment.
Saw this over at Kiefpiet - lessons in kicking ass from some UFC fighter with an eastern-bloc accent. It's a 4 minute clip of ways to kill and mame people in bar-room brawls. I took notes, in case your go-slow Telkom line is, well, going slow and you can't stream the vid.
1. A number of grips, holds and counter attacks were shown. Practice on your little brother. This will prepare you for a real life situation, and ensure that lil fucker tattle-tale never tells Mom again. EVER! Don't stop at tears. Go all the way till you hear something crack. Blood is good too.
2. Salt n pepper - if a mean mofo comes storming towards you, quickly unscrew the salt and pepper lids off under the table (try not to look like you're fiddling with yourself), and throw it in his face. If this doesn't piss him off even more, it may actually burn his eyes and nostrils. And maybe cause some sneezing. And while he's wiping the snot off his hands, KICK HIM IN THE GROIN.
3. Kick in the groin - the dude says people think the kick to the groin is underestimated. I'm not questioning his information gathering techniques (I'm sure he has ways and means to make you talk), but who the fuck underestimates a kick in the goens. That's the FIRST thing I'd do. And the second. Third. Fourth. And also the last thing. And always one more for good measure...
4. Bar stool - Jinja, take note: Next time you get bust stealing a barstool, throw it at the wrongfully accusing bar owner, then follow up with a kick to the groin. And another. And another. Maybe two more. And always one more for good measure...
5. Warn your opponent - when smashing his head into the ambience (see point 6 below), make sure to warn him to "NEVER. DO. THIS. AGAIN. PLEASE. THANK. YOU." Time your speaking with the thumping of his head into the table. This will score points with the ladies, cos not only does it show that you're strong, but also have good rhythm. And manners.
6. Use the ambience - when choosing a restaurant, even more important than the food itself and the price you're going to pay for it, ensure that the ambience is good. And by good, I mean, make sure there's a lot of stabby, shattery and splintery things all around you. Use whatever the fuck you can find to throw, swipe and stab at your opponent. Like a candlestick holder. Or whiskey tumbler. Your bitch-ass ex-girlfriend who you've agreed to meet for some dumb fucking reason. Either the witch will sort him out, or he'll rip her in two. Either way, win-win...
PS. Try not to laugh when telling him, that about his wife...
After my night of surfing random internet crap, emailing and porn, I need to run a series of procedures to cover my dirty tracks - I use a work laptop, and would probably get fired if they knew where my trusty machine has taken me.
Step 23 in the "Cover Your Porn-Surfing Tracks" procedures is to delete the internet history of sites visited, which means in the morning when I login, I have to type in the URLs of the slightly dodgy sites like ChumpStyle. And Dari-GMan. Appendix C, point 9 in the procedures says you shouldn't save sites as Favourites either.
You've probably all seen this already, but in case you're living under a rock, or living in an ice cube like me, here's the Supersport footage of the freak wind storm that lambasted a couple of the players.
Last week Friday I was pretty amped about buying a Dell laptop for R570 bucks. Turns out it was a huge mess up (which I'm sure we all suspected) which Dell are not willing to take responsibility for.
Very sad, as Dave and Mike mentioned in their latest Amplitude podcast, they could have spun into this into a "cleverly thought out" viral campaign and quietly taken a kick to the balls.
But no turns out they keen on being a bunch pussies.
Dell Inspiron 640m and 9400
Dear *ChumpFace* [Ed: *my real name obviously, I'm a little scared of lucky Mr Slevin],
I am writing to you to inform you that as a result of a technical error we have inadvertently advertised the Dell Inspiron 640m and 9400 on our web store at R0. This is incorrect. The goods should have been priced at R6,990 and R10,990 respectively. As a result we are unable to fulfill your recent order for these goods. We sincerely apologise for any inconvenience caused. If you have already paid for any associated goods, software or delivery charges forming part of your order for the Dell Inspiron 640m and/or 9400 please furnish us with your banking details and you will be reimbursed within the next few days.
We are in the process of correcting these technical issues. We hope to have this store up and running by early next week.
Please do not hesitate to contact me or your account manager if you have any questions.
Do you think I'm an idiot for thinking they should pay up for the mistake? Spar and Pick 'n Pay do when they incorrectly price an item on a shelf, I'm sure even Incredible Connection would as well if they incorrectly priced a laptop for R570.
YouTube has often come to my rescue after telling friends of amazing feats I witnessed on channels people rarely watch, Discovery, National Geographic, ESPN, PlayTime etc. Makoto Nagano finishing the Ultimate Obstacle Course is one example. I watched the show by chance on ESPN sometime at the end of last year. No one believed me when I explained that a 33 year old fisherman from a small village in Japan had superhuman strength to run through various virtually impossible obstacles with ease and then beat the one minute required time to climb six stories up a rope just using his arms.
In the blogging world, we tend to use hyperlinks to link readers to related stories or the meanings of words or terms and crap, just to make the post more complete. Wikipedia seems to be used most often when defining words – they seem to have meanings for everything.
Introducing, Uncyclopedia – the alternative dictionary of meanings. This must be the greatest spoof of a site ever.
Being the patriotic Saffer, I searched for Nelson Mandela, and got this:
Nelson Mandela (500 B.C. - present) South African Naval leader. Although best known outside of South Africa for his daring attack on the Spanish colony of Puerto Puta in 1954 and for capturing the Canadian Treasure Fleet in 1965, Admiral Mandela is also respected in South Africa for his political achievements.
Early years As a child, Mandela wanted to become a lawyer, however South Africa's racist Apartheid system required all black people to become either naval officers or backing singers for Paul Simon. Mandela chose the former, becoming a midshipman on the HMSAS Scurvy at the age of fourteen. Conditions were hard on South African ships in those days, and many sailors suffered from horrible afflictions such as lumbago or tennis elbow.
Political Career After the war, Mandela was left without a command, and turned his attentions to politics. Recognising that the Apartheid system was responsible for the unemployment of millions of black naval officers, he reasoned that the abolition of Apartheid could allow blacks to be... I don't know, dentists or something. Bakers, maybe, Hell, the sky's the limit. Mandela carried a petition to the King Kraka III of South Africa, demanding racial equality. The king read the letter and declared 'he's troying to steal the doiamonds!' which really rather confused everybody.
What could be hotter than 2 blonde's standing in a kitchen wearing white lingerie. Well... how about those 2 blonde's getting it on with each other, will that do?
It really surprises me how many celebrity sex tape reveals there have been over the last few years and they usually don't live up to the hype, although having said that I don't think we could have asked for anybody hotter this time around than legendary Page 3 girl, Keeley Hazell. We've featured Keeley here on Chump a few times displaying her enormous noombies, but nothing more than that.
NFSW obviously and the quality is grainy as hell (as if that's ever stopped you). Add a penis alert to that as well. Watch the video here. Hurry, I have a feeling it won't be up for very long. [Update: Now hosted somewhere more secure]
Any self respecting Pirate or wanna be Pirate(I'm sorry this makes no sense - either you are a pirate or you're not.) should know these rules.
Parrots are the preferred pirate companion. Monkeys are an acceptable substitute, unless they fling their faeces at people. Then they are an awesome substitute.
Pirates shall always wear boots, except in the case of a peg leg. Then one boot is acceptable. Flip-flops are right out.
During a swordfight, sword fighting insults are required. In the event both participants are still alive at the end of the fight, the participant with the superior insults shall be declared the victor.
Three-cornered hats, headbands and bandanas are the only acceptable headwear for pirates. Fedoras, bowler derbies, baseball caps, mickey ears, top hats, sombreros, or anything with lace and flowers will be removed from the vessel-- head included. A grace period of one minute is allowed for hats looted from a tailory.
Only a pirate is capable of killing another pirate. If you are not a pirate (let's say a ninja) and wish to challenge a pirate, they have a word for that. Corpse.
Real pirates have chest hair. If you cannot grow chest hair, you may be a cabin boy.
No pirate shall ever drive a minivan, unless he drives the minivan into a tavern, for the purposes of looting barrels of rum from said tavern. Upon completion of this task, the minivan is to be burned. No exceptions.
No pirate may do the arm movements for "YMCA", or engage in country-western line-dancing.
Rum'll warm ye'up, but that doesn't mean walk'n 'round naked is OK. (ha ha, Pautzie's a Pirate)
Pirates never, ever obey laws. Period. Ironic, I realize.more...
Get it now, Dell has a glitch on there website and are selling an entry level laptop for an honest to God zero bucks. R570 for shipping is all you are going to pay.
I bought mine right away after seeing the heads up from Mike, who picked it up from Yeah!Fi.
Stroos Bob, get yours here. Look closely at the bottom of the page as it displays a big fat zero. If you take off options it even goes into the minuses.
Those chumps at Dell better deliver on this!
Update: Damn, wanted to order a couple more but it seems they've fixed the error.
No one pulls out the stops like good ol' Horatio Caine.
Detective Frank: "...they call it Speed dating, the only difference is our victim had 15 days." Hero Horatio: "Well you know what they say Frank, speed kills." [slides on shades]
Everyone loves the bush, in every context, whether it be beaver bush or dubya Bush. And in this video you get the best of dubya Bush - freudian slips, tongue twisters, straight forward confusion and plain in-bred stupidity. Enjoy.
I would like to introduce you all to Steve, my Southpark character. This site let's you create your own character. It's pretty cool, and will waste about 10 minutes of your time.
A clip of some British dude guessing the size of a handful (in some cases more than a handful) of luscious Cape Town boobies. Cape Town {sigh} I miss Cape Town...
Wow who would have thought, Swank's actually looking good in these. Yes true they're black and white and some geek has thrown down some heavy mouse strokes. But this all goes to show, airbrushing has come a long way since 2006.
Ever had one of those days when you thought the whole world was out to piss on your leg and rub your face in some dog poop. Well this guy really wasn't having one of those days. He should mortgage his house and head over to a casino and put it all on 0 green in roulette.
Okay, so I was just about to go sleepies but I just HAD to post this.
It's a soundbyte from some radio show in England, so no pictures, sorry! All about a DJ dude, Danny Dump, taking advantage of his half-famous DJ status, and ringing random hot girl and asking her out. What happens next is totally unexpected. If you were her...
Click here to shoot over to Totally Crap and listen.
And if you're a fan of dumping, whether it be of (soon to be ex) girlfriends, rubbish on your arsehole-of-a-neighbour's lawn or a dirty coil of a dump on a skanky ho's chest, listen to another dumping on air.
The elevator news had this article last week about how Canadians' number one concern was the environment, and how the government are not doing enough to take care of it! I can't remember the numbers and stats though, but that's pretty much because I couldn't care less. About what Canadians think, not the environment. I love the environment, especially those people who are green with envy!
So the government here do do all these studies and shit, with startling results. Check this one, the effect of narcostics and alcohol on spiders.
An old man golfer hunches over his old man ball on the tee with his old man persimmon driver, swings back slowly to complete his full old man coil, and then releases his old man swing with all his old man might. Meanwhile, a seagull crosses his path a few metres in front of him. Guess what happens next? I’ll spare the suspense. The inevitable happens next.
This clip is rated NFAL (not for animal lovers).
I'm not one for killing things, or seeing things been killed (not even Saddam Hussein), but holy mother did I laugh out loud!!! In the office. Which made my PA peer come rushing to see what was what. And then she forced me to show her the clip. Then she cried. And now she hates me...
I know MS Paint (as i am sure many others do) really sucks but after watching this guy draw you have to give him some credit for creating such a master piece from a crappy program. Check out the other top 5 MS Paint drawings here
What do you get when two Chinese techies with really thick specs get in a room and think about what website they can bootleg and make money? XTube. A kinda rip-off of YouTube. But with porn!!! Home videos and other porno clips for FREE!
So you have to register, but it's free. And you won't get all spammed out and crap, but don't quote me on that! I haven't had the pleasure of registering and checking these clips out.
Thanks to the Chicken Man for the heads up (via email).
Apparently this is the kiffest comic in the world! This may be debateable... I always thought Archie was the best comic ever - what kept me reading was my hope that Archie would bed both Betty and Veronica at the same time in an explicit and uncensored comic strip session. Alas, it didn't happen, and Archie died a virgin, and I stopped reading the comic. And I grew up and had a threesome of my own...
So Mike and Mike, if you want us to keep reading your comic, make it sexually explicit, I think. Comic porn rocks! Get your brown Indian fellow to bed a couple white chicks in a night of drunken tantric sex where he gets them screaming and shaking through some creative uses of a snake charming flute... and get him to film it on his webcam that he later sells as "Never Used - still in box" on Bid or Buy.
Seriously, take a look through their archive, some funny stuff, politically incorrect and all...
Well with another year, comes a whole lot of beautiful women willing to take off their clothes. So here's Erica Campbell doing what she does best. And by the way Happy New Years guys and I hope you have an awesome year ahead.
Spike Jonze has come along way from his skateboard video days. He literally has done it all from music videos for top artists (Beastie Boys, REM, Fatboy Slim, Tenacious D and more) to top major big screen releases - Adaptation, Being John Malkovich, Three Kings and Jackass 1&2. Not many though know that he's done a whole host of commercials as well. 
Last week Friday I was pretty amped about 
Boobs of the Week
NSFW
