What's the difference?

Q: What's the difference between a BMW driver like G Man, and a porcupine?

A: The porcupine has its pricks on the outside.

Oh ok thats the catch

Movies too expensive for cheap tickets
March 31, 2005

Ster-Kinekor cinemas at Centurion Lake Mall and Kolonnade Shopping Centre will not be showing Miss Congeniality 2 or Robots due to the high fee being demanded from Nu Metro film distribution. IOL - Tonight

Haha those poor people in the dodgy parts of Pretoria have it tough. Even with an Edgars Club card the Northerners will end up paying 10 bucks for the Miss Congeniality 2, R5 for the movie R5 for the toll. Us Easterners R5 and I hate Sandra Bullock.

What the fuck is a Trackback.

Jusleik I'm stupid. After reading numerous explanations on what a Trackback is and how it works I still have no fucking clue and I doubt if anyone will ever manage to explain it to me.

1. Q: What is trackback?
2. A: Wikipedia defines trackback as follows:

   Trackback is a system [...] that alerts and allows a blogger to see who has blogged about posts on his or her blog. The system works by sending a 'ping' between the blogs, and therefore providing the alert.
   

   SixApart also have a "beginners" guide to trackback that contains more information on the concept.
   
   
3. Q: What does it do exactly?
4. A: Next to each post on your weblog, there will be a "trackback" link. Clicking on the link will allow your readers to see a list of sites that relate to your post.
   
   Visitors to your site can "ping" your trackback link to let you know that they have written an entry in their weblog about your post. You can also ping your own trackback URL if you find an article, weblog post, or a site that relates to your post. Thus, trackback allows you to maintain a list of "related links" with minimal effort.

Huh what they on about, Englais please... I still have no clue, and I'm suposed to - I'm a four eyed techie. What the hell I suppose its back to posting photies of hot tsicks. Oh look its Heidi Klum YAY.



Update: Yup not even the "beginners" guide to trackback helped. I really do suck.

Any more fires to put out?

The day Rich...! unsubscribed...! He asked the world to do the same...! Rightly so, well at least I think so.

- It was the day after the SA Blog Awards. Not going to go into it since everyone has mentioned all that could be said. We had a bitchin time and met some awesome peeps, oh yeah I got bitch slapped. Thanks for the reminder Salami, Rich...!, Aquila and fuck-face Jinja.

- It was the day after Jinja lambasted the inner workings of my Daewoo with a pulpy mix of mushrooms, onions and carrots. A great spread and a great end to a good night.

- It was the day after I destrrrroyed the front-left wheel axel on a curb just a kilometer from the love-pad just minutes after slamming Jinja's head against the dashboard.

- It was the same day the better half sms'ed dumped this loser, something to do with the fact that I promised to meet her at Odds in P-Town after we'd finished up the awards (stupid stupid promise) and apparently that kind of behavior had gone on way too long. I would have been there babe but there was a slight, slight wheel alignment problem with the shaggin-waggon, I was completely shtankered and my Nokia was somewhere between Jinja's sphincter and appendix.

- It was two days before G Man and I were to join his and my folks for what was to turn out to be an one amazing beer fest of a holiday down in Morgan Bay. Chumpstyle readers DavieBaby and Dyldo tagged along as well. We only took Dyldo cause we needed his Mom's car to get down, mine had a slight alignment/axel problem, ok It was fucked get over it! We probably won't be allowed back next year after G Man and DavieBaby absolutely demolished the Bogunvilias bush-diving one evening. Have you ever seen a grown man cry after getting jacked by the old lady's wooden spoon? It doesn’t happen often and its not pretty. You would also think a person would quit the bush-diving lifestyle after spending time in Jail for destroying the bushes across the road from the Brooklyn police station, tsk tsk Dave - bigup though. Pictures? Fuck no!

- It was the same day Jinja went and shamed us ChumpStylers with the most absurd out of line post (he has edited it since) to ever grace a computer screen, well according to some. Rich...! climbed to the top of his tree, Dari had to act as fireman and get him down. Jinja then apologized, Rich...! then gave everyone a group hug and bloggers went back to there blog to blog lives, or did they...? I was pissing of the Morgan Bay cliffs when Dari informed me about the trouble in Chinatown and I was not impressed its tough enough having to quit a pee midway. Hey we all fuck up at some point, and I forgive and forget. Although I'm still going to leave a hot steamy one on his fucken bonnet.

Away one week and all hell breaks loose.

Detention slip

Aren't teachers and parents always going on about head, I mean, getting a-head in class?! Well, this dude is my hero. I would attend a year's worth of detentions if I could get blown in class, and two year's worth if I could get her to swallow and avoid messing on my khakis. Check the time, 8.30am. Talk about a good start to the day!



(Update) If you can't read it, it says "Observed the student receiving oral sex from another student... Chris was sitting in a class with his pants down to his thighs, while the female was on her knees in front of him." Damn that's funny!

Frank Miller's Sim City

The Girl Next Door

Remember Keefie Sutherland's daughter in 24? Yeah of course you do. Elisha Cuthbert the girl next door. Loved her in the questionable movies Are You Afraid of the Dark? and Who Gets the House?. Oh and yes Salami I especially enjoyed her in The Ring. Don't start the knuckle shuffle all at once, hear me out first. Ah fuckit who am I kidding, go ahead and imagine her nekkid.

Actually have never watched any of her movies. Have never seen a second of 24 in my life (well?). Never knew she even existed until an a few days ago when she knocked on my door, it was destiny... or fate, I don't know one or the two.

Stress reliever

I'm sure many of you are struggling through this week after a hectic long weekend. I'm dying a slow death here, but luckily I have this stress reliever to squeeze, allowing me to escape my over-worked and under-paid life, and to think of happier places - you know, rolling green hills surrounded by bunnies and butterflies... or just waking up early Saturday morning squashing a random hottie's shaved walnut! Ahhh, now don't you just feel MUCH better - hey, hands above the desk Boyz!



(give it a second for the graphic to load)

Another crack bust

So here’s another crack smuggler courtesy of an email received from one of my undercover narc contacts . These drug rings are getting smart, using hot nekkid models as smugglers. She’s smuggling a different kind of crack, the kind that really appeals to me! Chicks like this glamourise crack! I’ll sniff this stuff any day!

Drug smuggler bust at Caesars

Last week at Caesars I came across this suspicious looking character lurking about in the casino. The gentleman, a caucasian in his mid-thirties seemed to be carrying a heavy package, together with a fairly large sum of money that he was throwing away at the blackjack tables. I suspected this gentleman, although not of Nigerian or Asian decent, may possibly be some sort of narcotics smuggler.

I immediately called for backup, requesting our secret surveillance camera in case photo evidence would be needed for prosecution. After watching the suspect carefully for a minute, our suspicions were confirmed. The suspect was a drug dealer, smuggling some serious crack. An open and shut case. Congrats to the narc team, for their first real drugs bust!

It's the...

...long WEEKEEEEEEEEND BABY!

Seeing as tho G Man and Wezzo decided to slack off for the week, I have decided (after my night at Monsoon) to chaila as soon as the boss turns his back! I will leave you with this (lip) parting shot of one of the WW honies.



Have a good long weekend, enjoy Easter, drive safely and don't forget to kick a street kid on the way home!

PS The ChumpStylers DO have lives, so don't expect an update til next Tuesday! I'm speaking for myself, Jinja will probably dial in from home, and entertain - he has no life. Taking it for the team! Love u!

Monsoon, Caesars Gauteng

Last night I was somehow coaxed into joining some of The Boyz for a bender at Monsoon. I accepted, hesitantly - had work to deal with the following morn. Pimp daddy Stretch hooked us up with "front of the queue" status, to be the envy of 30 metres of jealous queueing wannabes. Once inside, straight up to VIP, where we hooked up with Bafana players Bradley Carnell, Delron "Darryl" Buckley and Hans Vonk (Benni got left behind at the hotel). Shhh, don't tell anyone, they weren't supposed to be there - Stretch smuggled them out in the boot of his car, or so the story goes! A picture for proof would've been good, but I was to busy chasing tail to think of taking snaps the SA footballers.

What a night, shamelessly staring at hot, young poon grinding other hotties 'til it smoked! This time I got the evidence - refraining from posting pics tho', the girls weren't too happy the last time I pasted them here.

The entire eve cost quite a penny, considering we gave the tables about R500 in about 30 minutes. But what do we care, we're P.I.M.P's, right? So, Tiger tonight? Students' night, young girls, short skirts, good music and a pack of domes. There like a bear!

Excellent Shirt

But only when worn in these circumstances.

275km/h... yeah!

A biker was caught "cutting like a ninja" on the notorious N3 highway to Durbs at an exhilirating 275km per hour. Eish! Now that's faster than a horny teen doing the naughty for the first time!

He was fined R31 000 - thirty thou' for speeding, and a grand was for evading the pigs. They had to block off the highway to stop him. He wasn't fined for not having number plates though! And he wasn't arrested either!

Word of the day

How appropriate is today's word of the day? Consider it in the light of the week's events where Jinja's "issues" (current relationship, abusive past and orange pubes) almost single handedly turned the blogging community against one another. Here goes:

lumpen \LUHM-puhn; LUM-puhn\, adjective:
1. Of or relating to dispossessed and displaced individuals, especially those who have lost social status.

Jinja was almost a lumpen blogger.

{Dude, you were almost downgraded from awesome ChumpStyler, to just plain CHUMP!}

Here's a hottie to make everyone feel better

F1 babes

So the Formula 1 season has started again, and I'm sure you are all keenly watching as the cameras peer into the pits, giving you a glimpse of the beauties that stand beside the drivers.

If you've been to a race, you'll know that its really noisy, so you'll no doubt jump at the possibility of wearing these girls' inner thighs as ear-muffs. I'm sure that most of the drivers, married or not, would love (and have had) a quickie with some, or all, of the girls - pity the cars don't have a backseats. But then there's always the trusty bathroom stall. Rumour has it that Eddie Irvine broke a toilet and a basin in separate love-making endeavors. Oh, the life of an F1 pilot! That's probably the most famous thing about the Irish potato-eating nobody - he played second fiddle to Schumi for a number of years, in case you never knew!!!

Gallery

Jinja's Apology...

I hereby, offically apologise to the blog community for my "Cheap Shot" at one of the other bloggers. It was meant humourously and it definately wasn't taken that way.

I have removed the offending material and pinky swear not to do it again.

I will stick to dissing our own members and only post about faeries (with huge tits and fantastic butts) and butterflys.

Apologies!!!

In response to Jo'Blog's Cheapshot!, I will agree that Jinja's "hate post" was a bit outta hand. Blogging is about ranting and raving, freedom of speech and all that, but the line may have been crossed in this case.

Wezzo and G Man are on holiday (thanks for the invite FUCKERS!) and so I am the only one left to knock some sense into Jinja. The post was his opinion, and not that of ChumpStyle and the rest of the bloggers. I am fighting the urge to dish out my usual harsh obscenities - just wish Wezzo was here to share his rage, and G to hurl the abuse! Dale, as a person who has been the object of much abuse from your so-called friends, it is hardly the same when you are publicly lambasted in a forum such as this!

Although this does not excuse his actions, my only explanation was that Jinja was still drunk when he posted his message (he painted Wezzo's dashboard with Grandma's carrot stew that night). Dude, that was offsides and showed a lack of insight! Not cool, man!

To the guy in question, ChumpStyle offers our sincerest apologies. To the rest of you bloggers, let's keep the peas!

Dick grown on man's forearm

News24 - Russian doctors have replaced a man's tiny deformed penis with one grown on his forearm. Apologies, but there was no picture available, not that you'd want to see something like that!

So here's what happened. Doctors cut his dick off, then sewed it to his forearm. It then grew to 16 centimetres!! It was then cut off his arm, and sewn onto his forehead. Okay, the last part's a lie, but would make for much interesting reading!

I'm wondering if my crappy medical aid would cover an op like that. Not that I need it, just wondering out of interest. Okay okay, an extra centimetre or five wouldn't be the worst thing in the world! I would just request that my knob be attached to my hand instead... just for convenience's sake!

Rear view (part 2) perfection!

What do these 3 pictures have in common?
No, its not that they are all girls, its those tight asses!
Man ALIVE, there is nothing that could brighten up a Friday with a hangover more than the 3 belters below.
Enjoy...

Blog Awards 2004

Last night was great fun, thanks to the Jo'Blog guys for organising it, but especially thanks to Rich...! for bitch slapping Wez.




Don't worry folks they made up and Rich gave Wez some well deserved action. Here is a shot of the foreplay. I didn't want any photos of them doing the horizontal lambada, so apologies to Dari who was very keen to see those pics.



Salami was VERY jealous, he thought we was in there with Wez for sure, he even assumed the position and was waiting for his prize.






Just so you know we didn't like this guy very much, in fact we fucken HATED his guts. I can't remember his name now and I really don't care to. Every time he spoke, I wanted to beat him with Miktar's PSP until his head exploded and his very last breath left him so he would never fucken speak again. Even his face annoys the SHIT out of me. Sorry, I got a little carried away there, I'm calm again, I'm over it... Ok I lie, I'm not. WHY ARE YOUR SUNGLASSES AROUND YOUR NECK! ARE THE FUCKEN LIGHTS IN COOL RUNNINGS TOO BRIGHT FOR YOU? WHAT ARE YOU A FUCKEN BAT? AND TAKE THAT FUCKEN BLING BLING OFF AS WELL YOU POTATO SHAPED FREAK!


I was very shocked when I saw that there was a female in our blogging community. And she's not a dog either, she's actually very do'able. So nice one Armand. We love you Thea. I am sure Salami had many a cramp in his right arm last night.



THEN I see that there was TWO girls there, this was just too much for the Techie Blogs to handle. They took some pictures and scurried out in a hurry with a far away look in their eyes. Oh, the guy in the photo is Don. Don't worry we love you too.

So to sum it all up it was a good night, Aquila you're a good guy, thanks for the pics. Hope you enjoyed your Klippies G.

Upgrading of our Pigmobiles!

Beware this Easter weekend! The spiekops have just bought 80 new patrol cars, equipped with all the optional extras, which include breathalizer units, scanners, front and back cameras… and Playstation 2 with 13-inch LCD, Rockford amps and a pair of 12-inchers in the back. “Thank you tax payers, for pimpin’ my ride”.

Expect to see another 60 cars join the unit soon.

From the picture they seem to Nissan Maximas, I think. For once, budgetary constraints obviously stopped them from buying the usual 540i Beemers, Kompressors and the likes. What is this country coming to? The pigs getting new cars, higher salaries, safer working conditions and pensions? Talk about asking for too much. What next, I ask, what next?

So be warned, next time you’re pulled over for a DUI on Rivonia Road… don’t puke beside your car, don’t flash a twenty and expect to be on your merry way and certainly DO NOT say, “Do you smell bacon?” Cos you might be on camera. If, however, you fancy becoming a TV star, hopefully the tape gets leaked, and gets posted on Chump for the rest of us to have hee-haw about.

Full story

BMW baby!

You know it!

Happy St Paddy's Day from the Hoff

Thanks go to Gabbahead for the image.

Bikini of the week!

Damn girls!
Now this is the shite we need to see on our beaches!
Take your pic...
I'm definately going with the last one.







Shame, such BELTERS!

Word of the day

Hey kids, do you know what time it is? Its Word of the day time, YAAAAAY!!!!

Today's word of the day is fugacious.
fugacious \fyoo-GAY-shuhs\, adjective:
Lasting only a short time.

Now repeat after me:
"Last night I had fugacious sex".

MJ Trial

News24 headline - Jackson's accuser 'choked up'

No shit! That's usually what happens when an inexperienced teen deep throats for the first time...

If They Mated

Uma & John


Paris & Lenny


Beyonce & JayZee


Kelly & Steve-O


Alien & Predator


Pirate Zombies


Nick & Jessica


Pierce & Halle


View other "If They Mated" combos on Conan's site