Queen + 50 Cent = Q-Unit

A treat for all you true Hip-Hop and classic rock fans - Queen and 50 Cent mashup. The songs are surprisingly well put together. Download them here.

South Africa Hates Michelle

A flamer known only as Michelle churns out the most rediculous comments you have ever read over at Jo'blog, so bad it's comical. (lads say the word and I'll destroy this post)

Hey Michelle, get back to work... baking cookies for friday's show & tell. HaHa OHHHH Burn! Sigh, ok I've got nothing.

Dead Mans Chest Bootleg Trailer

The bootleg trailer for the upcoming Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Mans Chest was posted on a Russian website for 10 seconds. Those 10 seconds were enough time for the good folks we used to beat up and steal lunch money from at second break put their skills to good use and leached (downloaded - for you lads that don’t speak the lingo, lolz) the video. The quality is a bit dodgy but it is definitely worth a view.

I absolutely inequitably loved (and I usually only say that during and after bumping uglies) the first movie and have no doubt this is going to be just as good. Can Disney ever go wrong - Pocahontas anyone? Why, yes please.

Download the video over at ChumpStyle's new video section. The section might not be working that great, but hey, we'll get through it together. Oh, and watch this space - ChumpStyle is getting all up in the internet's face.

via WWTD.com

Rocking Party in P-Town this Friday

Now this is a fucking party:

The Narrow, Misericord, 16 Stitch, Martin Rocka and the Sick Shop, Wickhead and Chubby Live in Garsfontein Pretoria Friday 2nd Dec. R40 gets you in, R120 for VIP Tickets.
___
Directions: Take Garsfontein Road past Woodhill, past Woodlands Boulevard and past Mooiklloof country estate. Follow the Search lights from there.

Update:
Awesome, we've been getting a butt load of hits from various forums in and around SA. This is definitely going to be one killer party.

Playboy - America's Sexiest Bartender 2005

"The juicy pussy is the most requested shot I get," said Florida Atlantic University's brainy bio-chem major during her steamy photo shoot at Chicago's ultra-swanky Victor Hotel nightclub. Playboy

"The juicy pussy is the most requested shot I get" - what? Who said you could say anything woman. The only words I want to hear out of your mouth are "Double", "Single", & "No touching, oh alright you cute I'll make an exception".

Seriously folks, why do we have to leave it up to the lardy Americans to come up with ingenious ideas like Playboy's Sexiest Bartenders 2005 and the George Foreman Grill. These are questions we should be asking our patriotic selves. Proudly SA my arse, someone come up with a great idea first. Someone come up with a "South Africa's Sexiest Bartender 2005" quick before I lose my eyesight buttering my mielie over these dirty American scum images.

Playboy - America's Sexiest Bartender 2005 Writeup & Full Gallery. Shame on you for not clicking these links. Shame on you for not coming up with an equivalent idea. Shame on you for not voting in the last election, Miss Bikini SA 2005. Shame on you for reading Chump.

Joanna Krupa Anyone?

So, so hot. We have posted galleries of Joanna Krupa in the past a dozern or more times and hope you don't mind if I post another. She has to be the hottest belter on the planet - any efforts to dispute will only make you sound like an ass.

View the full gallery and others over at, who else Gorillamask. And a nude gallery over at babelog.
Another nude gallery

Borat Responds: I Innocent

Borat responds to complaints made by the Kazakhstan Foreign Ministry declaring "I have no connection with Mr Cohen and fully support my Governments descision to sue this Jew". (via YBNBY)

Zombie Grinder

This has got to be the best flash game I have ever played, and I've played a LOT! Fast paced with an awesome Death Metal soundtrack that will definitely get you fired up for wasting the undead.

If you not up for the hardcore killing spree, go here for some chilled Camper Strike.

What are you still doing here? Go kill zombies mu'fucker!

New Sport Craze: Live Turkey Parachuting?

Just in time for Thanksgiving: Live Turkey Parachuting.

“Turkey parachuting is really opening the plane door for a lot of skydivers who normally would be put off by the high price of parachutes,” says skydiving instructor Nebold Einacracker. “Since turkeys are cheaper than parachutes we offer lower prices now for skydiving lessons and jumps. People also like jumping from a plane using natural live turkeys, not an artificial petroleum based parachute.”

A few turkeys have freaked out and had heart attacks, died and plopped down to earth. “But turkey parachuting is very safe” added Eincracker. “If you string up 20 turkeys there is a very small chance that they will all freak out and not flap their wings.” Turkey Parachuting

That has always been a factor as to why I've never based jumped or sky dived, so darn expensive. Turkey Parachuting, what a great concept. Putting that on the christmas list up against PSP and KY.

Angelina Jolie Aint That Hot

It’s been argued that the bean bags above her chin make for good DSL’s (Dick Sucking Lips). That’s actually a pretty good argument. I’m sure they are superb Dick Sucking Lips, unless those lips are chapped. Do you really want that much dry skin dragging across your man muscle? You have to take this eventuality into account, because lips that big must require vats of Chap Stick applied liberally every fifteen minutes. If at any point she runs out of her lip-spackle, she probably dries up quite fast.

Also, when fantasizing about Angie’s DSL’s, you have to remember that those lips were once wrapped around Billy Bob Thornton’s hammer. And by the laws of science if she sucks you off after sucking him off, that technically means you touched penises with Billy Bob. Not that I have a problem with Billy Bob (or BilBo as I like to call him). I’m actually a huge fan of his work. I was inspired when I saw how savagely he railed Halle Barry in Monsters Ball, and Sling Blade taught me that retarded murderers need love too. But there’s just something about him that makes me not want to touch him with my meat rocket. Read the full article - Phat Phree

Never really thought of that, she must have to spend a few hours applying SPF paste to those smackers, and god save her if she doesn't. Thanks Phat Phree, yeah she aint that hot. I can now sleep better knowing that Brad has to spends many nights full of grimmace and pain, hey maybe the dick gets off on it.

Disgusting, who lets this woman out in public?

Boobs of the week

So fake, but oh so hot. Check out the full gallery o' plastic.

I have absolutely no idea what her name is but strangely desire to, OFB any idea?

Super Hot Kylie Minogue Ad

Banned in the States (allegedly, don't want to lose my Daewoo over this) but shown all over Europe at the moment and I swear I've seen it on SA tellie.

Sexy Kylie Ad. Well worth buttering your mielie over.

Everyone together "Thank You Mr Gorillamask"

What happens when five movie trailer voice over guys get into one limo?

Only one man holds the key. Suspense, Romance, History!

Ronaldinho Gaucho

If you thought these were trieks, check out the original prankster Trick Daddy R. Gaucho.

Go "PHHWOAR" at the Top 10 Ronaldinho moments - I reckon the World Cup free kick over David "High Protein" Seaman should've been number 1, just because it almost made G Man and Wezzo cry... BTW, you fockers still owe me 10 bucks a piece for winning the pot!

And if you have a quick conneckie (or lots of patience) check out the rest of the Ronaldinho vids, all 95 of them!

Harry Potter's Poésy

Harry Potter's rival in the newest movie is none other than the lovely young french actress Clémence Poésy.

OK most of may be feeling extremely dumb at this point, not having a clue as to who the hell Clémence Poésy is. Well dumbass* that's what ChumpStyle is here for, helping silly people like you survive those awkward dinner conversations. Ms Sniffles Du Preez - "Hey my skatties did you see Tom Cruise on Opera", You - "Yeah fucking insane where the hell did he get the balls to jump on that fat bitches couch. Word going around is you actually have to chop off your own khrum as initiation to become part of the Church of Scientology, whack". Always good to throw in a rumor or two when chatting to You, Heisgenoot and Heat magazine reading cunts, they eat it up like Cadbury.

Surviving Pop Culture Conversations 101 - Done. Now back to lovely Poésy.

Clémence Poésy plays one of Harry's rivals in the Tri-Wizard tournament Fleur Delacour, and by chance also happens to play a topless temptress in the french movie Bienvenue chez les Rozes. WWTD has two short clips from the French movie and let me tell you that she has a great pair of natural tits, well worth the download.

Ever since grade school I have always wanted to be Harry Potter, and only now at the age of 24 and a half does it seem cool. It's a cruel, cruel world.

View her topless scenes over at WWTDD.

* I was joking about you being a dumbass… who am I kidding, no I wasn’t. Oh and don't worry about not understanding the point to this post, neither did I.

Movie Mashups

Trust the lads at Worth1000 to produce a hilarious set of Movie mashup posters.

2 words: Excellent!!

Sexy Napster Viral Ad

Napster (yes, that Napster) have released an extremely sexy viral ad that will definitely leave you wanting more. So good that it may even cause you in the future to actually pay for your music downloads... ah, who am I kidding.

View the video over at getthewholething.com.

One Chinese Girl's Mission to Marry Tom Cruise in 30 Days

What scares me and I'm sure Tom the most is her reasons as to why "she is the perfect MS Cruise", eg:

I am 300 pounds, no hair, no teeth, and I just got a big hole in my ass, if nothing else, Tom can visit me on Halloween with his kids.

WTF? Hey, thank the Nazi Pope it aint me. Holding thumbs Niki, I would love to see Tom go down as much as you.

McDonalds Interrigation Over Phone

This is just too insane to be true. One normal evening shift for a McDonald’s employee turns bad when a person pretending to be a police officer phones in and speaks to her manager over a complaint of theft. Bizarre events then unfold as the employee is interrogated over the phone by the "police officer" via her manager, which eventually hands the phone to the Janitor (I'm not making this shit up) and then finally the manager's fiancé. Essentially she is given a body search for the stolen items by the various employees, when nothing is found she is then asked/told to strip down naked and "shake it all about" to loosen any items that may be shoved up any orifice. All this performed in front of a live audience - manager, janitor and fiancé.

The weird part is that every employee involved even the poor teenager really believed the person at the other end of the line to be a legitimate officer of the law. Surely they would have thought it was a prank when the employee was asked to take off her top, or the time she was asked to bend over and have ass inspected. Surely, but hell no!

The awesome part though is that it was all captured on video. Full details of exactly what happened are unclear from the video, but one man is charged with sodomy and the other with solicitation of sodomy so we can only imagine what went down (or up).

What was the sexual behavior she was asked to perform? What ever it was, I bet she was loving it.

View the video here (flash file streaming, the worst kind - be patient young one)

Yet another crash landing

This is the second crazy-insane and insane-crazy airplane crash landing since I've been here. And, yes, like all American news, it was caught on live television!

The pilot tried to land and then realised that he didn't have rear landing gear. After dumping his fuel, he came back for a gearless crash landing. Talk about smooove - reminds me of Schizo's "smooth landings" rule for coinage!

It's quite a bid streaming vid, so be warned! Oh, and ignore the schoopid advert in the beginning!

If you missed it, here's the first crash landing from September some time!

Fight Club: I Bet you didn't know...

Fight Club Trivia:

• Author Chuck Palahniuk actually found the modified ending in the film to be better than the one he had written in the novel.
• The original "pillow talk"-scene had Marla saying "I want to have your abortion". When this was objected, it was exchanged for what we see now: "I haven't been fucked like that since grade school". When those who had protested saw this they were even more outraged and wanted the original line back. But by then it was too late.
• Marla is named for a girl who used to beat up Chuck Palahniuk's brother Sean.
• Marla Singer's phone number, 555-0134, is the same as Teddy's number in Memento (2000).
• Brad Pitt and Helena Bonham Carter's sex scene is largely computer generated.
• David Fincher (Director) claimed in an interview in UK film magazine Empire, that there is a Starbucks coffee cup visible in every shot in the movie.
• Member of the band Live plays the waiter who serves the Narrator and Marla with the line, "Sir, anything you want is free of charge, Sir."

Now you know.
Read the rest over at IMDb

Related:
Brad Pitt & Edward Norton Sing The Penis Song

I Burned My Girlfriends Cooter

Lekker kief bru. Shhhweeet!

So one of these guys obviously cracked their internet parental lock, and randomised through our very own 10-bad-words-a-minute-and-lotsa-porn ChumpStyle. Lucky buggers!

So I checked our their site, where I realised they were a bunch of lighties from Jozi. There's a whole gang of them, like the Wu-Tang Clan of blogging - I'm sure they're missing a jail-bound ODB, only that little Chipper is in detention for letting his dog eat his Maths homework!

So I thought I'd give them a heads up. They're all about fast cars, chicks and random shit. I suppose, they remind me of us.

I noticed one of the guys even had his own pimp name, but gents, remember, you ain't a real pimp 'til you become a grown-assed man and moved the hell out of Mommy's! G-Man, that's an indirect stab at you! It's time you left Big Rache and make your own muffins and tea.

Spot the Freestate Chick

Thanks Ian (G Man's uncle) for the submission

The Best Forum Thread Ever

A forum thread over at femalefirst.co.uk starts off as follows:

Hi

For some reason I was called a slut by a couple of people on a previous thread, obviously this might be a little upsetting. However, me and my friends occasionally swap stories about the sluttiest thing we have ever done.

So come on girls I'll tell you my very slutty experiences if you tell yours......

Kate

The rest folks, as they say in the classics is history!

Read: What is the sluttiest thing you have ever done

Need For Speed - Rendezvous

An amazing 1978 video in which a camera was mounted on the bumper of a Ferrari 278 GTB and driven high-speed around Paris by a F1 driver (not named) during early morning traffic.

On an August morning in 1978, French filmmaker Claude Lelouch mounted a gyro-stabilized camera to the bumper of a Ferrari 275 GTB and had a friend, a professional Formula 1 racer, drive at breakneck speed through the heart of Paris. The film was limited for technical reasons to 10 minutes; the course was from Porte Dauphine, through the Louvre, to the Basilica of Sacre Coeur.

No streets were closed, for Lelouch was unable to obtain a permit.

The driver completed the course in about 9 minutes, reaching nearly 140 MPH in some stretches. The footage reveals him running real red lights, nearly hitting real pedestrians, and driving the wrong way up real one-way streets. jerrykindall.com (via YesButNoButYes)

From being there earlier this year it was great to recognise a few of the streets and landmarks the Ferrari screams passed. Recognising the exact place where the Terrorist Police stopped us for a random check only to find one of us (Cornish Pasty anyone) was carrying an ounce of Mary J, brought back bad/funny memories. When it happened my life flashed before my eyes, and I saw myself fighting for the French Foreign Legion in the great Somali War of 2011, oh and sleeping in a cold cell for the night with only Babbeux as company.

Check out the video (Direct "Right Click" Link)- 16Mb

Homeless or just Jesus

Have you ever gotten a homeless person confused with the Son of God, Jesus Christ? Liquid Generation certainly has, and judging from my score so have I.

Play the Homeless or Jesus game.

Kazakhstani Officials Pissed over Borat's Latest Appearence

You just have to love Borat, #3 sex in mouth:

The great and good of Kazakhstan are getting tired of having to clear up wild misconceptions about their republic. They are tired of having to insist that shooting a dog and then having a party is not a favourite national pastime and of denying that their wine is made of fermented horse urine and that women are kept in cages. They are so frustrated at the bad image which they believe the comedian behind such fictitious claims, Sacha Baron Cohen (aka Ali G), is making through his spoof Kazakh television presenter Borat that they are threatening legal action.Guardian.co.uk

It was Borat's appearance at the annual MTV Europe Music Awards show in Lisbon earlier this month that has really upset the Kazakhstani lads, here some of his quotes from the show.


Introduction to the show
"Welcome to the 2005 Eurovision Song Contest."

Following Madonna's performance
"That singer before me. Who was it? It was very courageous of MTV to start the show with a genuine transvestite, he was very convincing. It was only his hands and his testi satchels that gave it away."

Introducing Coldplay
"Next is one of the most famous bands in the world. We all love very much. Please enjoy... Green Day!"

Introducing The Pussy Cat Dolls
"Please prepare yourself for masturbation because next are international singing prostitutes, Pussy Cat Dolls."

After introducing Akon
(Borat whispers to little Kazkhstani child), "quick Akon's on stage, dressing room 8. See what you can take."

Introduction to Gorillaz
"There is one singer called Shakira... sorry I laugh because in Kazakhstan this word means vagina. For example, 'Can I touch your shakira?' or 'I have seen your wife's shakira, it hangs like the mouth of a tired dog."


Introducing Green Day
(Borat is dressed in a very revealing wrestling lycra costume), "Hello it is me, Freddy Mercury. I joking, he die of AIDS. It me Borat, I not a la la loo lee. The only sex disease I ever have is gonoreah. 15 times! The ladies like Borat! Now please welcome Coldplay."

Chatting to co-presenter Brittany Murphy
"Very nice. Whah whah we whah! I imagine you with no clothes. Borat is getting fat."

At the press conference
"My 13-year-old son is travelling here by foot, with his two wives and his three childrens." "If he survives the journey I have promised him that he can make penetration with Colombian prostitute Shakira."

"I look forward to meeting Jennifer Rush, Level 42 and Terence Trent D'Arbay," "Oh and the Thompson Twins."

In interview with the BBC
"My retard brother Vilo is not able to come as he is retarded and his cage would not fit on the plane."

"Unfortunately my wife was unable to leave Kazakhstan as she is a woman... this is a good news, she is a boring. High Five!!!"

"We celebrate with a men's only party in my hotel room where we will play ping pong, wrestle totally nude and shoot dogs from the balcony."

To finish the show
"To the world, I love you! Apart from Uzbekistan. Assholes."


Related:
Unofficial Borat Homepage
Official Borat Homepage (thanks Patrick)

Victoria Silvstedt vs. Ana Hickman

Who ya got?

Online Booty Call - Good Idea, Bad Idea

I was pillaging the CollegeHumour archives earlier when I came across a link which literary slapped me in the face - OnlineBootyCall. Online Booty Call, sweet - I had to click the link. Hey, why not? The only thing I was bound to lose was my lunch and I was willing to take that risk as it was only a measly bacon saamie that wasn't even that good. So I took one for the team (myself and my penis) and clicked the alluring highlighted text.

Well, I never lost that pig sandwich but a little regurgitation definitely happened. The person's name is Shey and (assumption) she asked to give her rating of 0-10.

I was a little confused as I thought the vote should have been: male or female? Sparing the creature's dignity I clicked "0" hoping it would register as null & void.

The page then refreshed to this:

Ah Fuck it, Siamese twins! As entertaining as this "2 click episode" has been I'm so over this Online Booty Call concept.

Ever found a "silent J" Hjottie on these ridiculous Hot or Not mashups?

Excuse me, while you ponder on that I'm off to pop a Rennie.

Why the fuck are the French rioting!

After reading a set of random facts about Vin Diesel (Seth, High 5), Mr T (Salami, give it down low) and more recently Chuck Norris (Dont leave me hanging, self 5) I was fired up and determined on finding a new set. I came back victorious: Why the hell are the Frogs up North pimping their 3L Ford Cortina's with a hell-fire blazed look?

14.Gerard Depardieu told them to

It does make sense, there is no other Frenchie that holds as much weight as Depardieu.

The Top 26 Reasons The French Are Rioting

_________
To keep in the line of fashion where folks shorten names of celebrities to sound more posh lets please refer to the celebs mentioned in this post as V-Dee, M-T, G-Dieu & Chuck Norris as Chuck, HA that's a laugh. Thanks.

Heidi Klum likes Sex of the Anal Genre

As you know us here at ChumpStyle HQ live on half truths and rumours, it's our bread & budda so this post is going to be no different.

I arrived this morning to be greeted by a pink A4 piece of paper placed on my keyboard with a post-it note on it that said "This one's good J", while I have no clue who "J" is I read it anyway.

I went to high school with John Mayer (who incidentally was a HUGE dork), and we have a few mutual friends. Anyways, one of my friends told me that he was talking about Heidi Klum when he was dating her and he was complaining that she only likes sex of the anal genre and always asked for it.

I hardly believed what was written on the girly piece of paper largely because I saw John Mayer on Conan a couple of weeks back and the man is a legend, but after reading Heidi Klum likes "sex of the anal genre" I knew it had to be legit.