Paris Hilton's Forgotten Sister

Conscience Glover, its been reported, has grown up in rural Namibia ever since she was abandoned by parents Kathy Hilton and Lethal Weapon star Danny Glover's brother Whydoncha back in the early 80s. "The sex was lame" Whydoncha said "all she did was lie there, probably the reason for Paris' squiff eye and her penchant for prison guards".

In other news, news of Paris having to enjoy a cavity search before entering her cell on Monday morning may be boring, even unnecessary to many but strangely excited this young reporter. Although thinking about it, I'm sure it was a wasted exercise - reports have it that she's never been able to flex (in this case, hold anything with) those muscles ever since the Manhattan Ladder 11 fire extinguisher incident.

Chump's Boobs pf the Week - hotter than Paris

Yet another Hilton with her bits out.

Woo Hoo!

Paris' poon... again!

Paris Hilton was one of the sole reasons Chump got onto the SA blogging scene and became the medium pimpin' bloggers that we are, but as soon as we hit the big time, we dropped the bitch like any "use and abuse" male chauvenist would.

But alas, a paparazzi shoot has caused me to make yet another Paris post.

Via Paparazzi.hu:
A botrányhercegnő most a New York belvárosában található Tao Club-ban tette a szépet. Valamiféle betegségben szenvedhet Hilton kisasszony, mert amint meglát egy paparazzi fotóst, rögtön elővillan a bugyija. Most még egy kis popsi-fotó is belefért.

Lucky for you, I speak Hufgruzikstani.

Basically what they've said is Paris was at the Tao Club in New York City where she partied all night while eating a falafel and drinking nothing but Pepsi Cola. And while taking time to meglát (no English word for this), she flashed her rögtön elővillan* at the photographers, to show us that she's "still a girl, not yet a woman".

You'd swear we'd get tired of seeing here poon, but alas, we're guys. There's no such a thing as old poon! See the pictures here.

*censored

In case you wanna see the Paris of old, here you go.

Thanks to Larry for the submission!

The Art of Ms P.Hilton

After looking at this post you probably wondering why the title isn't something along the lines of "Just in time for Halloween, shock-shock-horror, Paris Hilton Reads a Book" or "Yup, bitch can fuckin read?". Truth is I'm tired of all this Hollywood/New York socialite bullshit. I no longer want to be the go-to guy when you need the last few clues to complete your Heat crossword puzzle - I'm out. And plus, Paris is looking too damn cute (surprisingly) in these photies for me to get nasty.

What’s in a name?

No doubt, you’ll agree that a catchy name for your business will attract attention, which attracts customers, who pay for your goods/ services, and you make money. And you do your bit for the economy and job creation and all that warm ‘n fuzzy crap that all those people at the top go on about.

But check the name of this company: Pen Island. Not the most creative? Bit it’ll do. Basically they make custom pens. And custom pens must be expensive right, so this place must make moolah? But with a website like this, I don’t know so much? Visit their site at www.penisland.net.



Or if you have green fingers, try the local nursery: www.molestationnursery.com



Ever wanted to find a shrink? Or maybe a rapist? Click here: www.therapistfinder.com

Or Power Generators Italia at www.powergenitalia.com. Beware the horny chicks!

Religious? Click here for some e-Religion from the First Cumming Methodist Church: www.cummingfirst.com

Or if you're looking for an adult distance learning institution, visit this page: www.expertsexchange.com. Bet most of their hits originate from Thailand...

If you're famous like us, find an agent here: www.whorepresents.com. You may get to finally meet Paris Hilton through them.

Shot to Jake the Snake for the email. Pearlers, bud!

Bam confirms he slept with Jessica Simpson

Bam bounced a penny or two off Jessica Simpsons ass and more, while Steve-o got stuck into Nicole Richie along with shnorting Nitrous Oxide (yeah Nos) with Paris Hilton. All this was revealed Tuesday (19 Sept) on the Howard Stern show. Got to hand it to Stern, he sure can drill the beefy details out of his guests. Remember when Fez (Wilmer Valderrama) confessed to having a foursome with Jennifer Love Hewitt, Lindsay Lohan & Ashlee Simpson? Well, not really but close.

Top 10 Celebrity See Throughs

It really should be a list of one entrant (Alba) but I suppose there has to be others for the list to be any worth while. Oh well if you must, Top 10 Celebrity See Throughs awaits.

Oh Paris

So little ol' Slutty-slut slut is giving up sex for an entire year. Whether or not Pauly Shore or a course of anti-retrovirals has brought on this decision, is unknown. I wonder if she considers oral and anal sex to be on that list. I also wonder if she knows that there are 365 days in a year, I think this challenge might be harder than trying to keep that left eye open.

She said: "I'm doing it just because I want to. I feel I'm becoming stronger as a person."..."Every time I have a boyfriend, I'm just so romantic, and I'll put all my energy into the guy, and I don't really pay attention to myself."

Paris also said recently: "One-night stands are not for me. I think it's gross when you just give it up. Guys want you more if you don't just hand it to them on a platter. If they want you, then they will wait. You have to make them work for it. I think that's the only way you know if they really want you or just want to be able to brag that they've been with you."

Lets analyse that one quickly: "Anal on the first night is not for me. I think it's gross when you don't give yourself an enema first. Guys want it more if you are a little more clean instead of being a poo-poo-platter. If they want anal, then they will wait until after my colonic. You have to make them work for it. I think that's the only way you know if they really want anal or just bragging rights that they've put it in my ass."

Pornstar or Popstar

There is a fine line between pornstar and popstar now days, and thanks to Paris Hilton, that line is becoming even more blurred. It's not just the slutty-slut slut heir that's entertaining us with little leather outfits, the general idea is to look more like Jenna Jameson(Yeah) rather than Jennifer Aniston(not so Yeah) in their music vids.

Take this quiz and see if you can differentiate between porn or pop.

USA FHM 100 Sexiest

"Accidently " stumbled over this yesterday, my arms are still tired...

Some VERY worthy women in that list. EG: 96(HOLY SHIT), 56 (HOLY TOLEDO) and 2 (You'll always be my No 1 Angelina).
Some VERY UNWORTHY women in that list too. EG 11 (I HATE PARIS "VOMIT VOMIT" HILTON).


Update:
Sorry I just had to fix Jinja's crappy layout, Wez.

Paris Hilton giving Borat head!

Actually its Wezza's mom giving me head, but does it really make a difference?

Thanks to Coengie for the pic.

We legally allowed to smoke

This morning in the throws of my beauty sleep we turned 180,000 hits. Yeah! Wooo!

Ok let me give you what we like to call "The Tour de Spikes".

• Spike 15 Marchish: Aquila & Joblog picked up on our god awful blog and introduced us to what we at ChumpStyle like to call the "blogoshpere" (with rock and roll quotes).
• Spike 15 Mayish: Paris Hilton phone photos, need I say more? I do actually "Ho Ho Ho, Google big up bro.
• Spike 5 Augish: Moshzilla, remember her? Well she kept us going, it was around that time when we thought about packing our bags and heading out of Blog Town. It was also around the time Jinj went and ditched us for Daleene/Daneele.
• Spike 3 Septish: If I'm not mistaken it was around the time we first featured Marzia Prince, we shot up to #1 for the search clue "Marzia Prince Boobs" Yahoo & Google. Subsequently we've dropped.
• Spike 11 Novish: YesButNoButYes caught wind of Chump (I have no idea how and why) and the rest is History, and I cemented my title as n00b contributor on their fabulous weblog doll.

Any other spikes you care to know about? Any other spikes you can explain Chumps?

We have learnt alot of things along the way, like not to use Photobucket, blog anonomously as possible, readers strangely loved our "News from on fucked up Weekend" posts, and don't post death threats, Jinja! or call anyone a 'wanker' - 'fucking jerkoff' is fine though. Sigh, god I love this place.

There we go, we've come to the end of the Tour de Spikes I hope you enjoyed it. Tea will be served at the back of the hall. Morbelli not so fast buddy, you'll get your chance. Pot, Dari will be back soon buddy and always remember to spray after you've flushed. Judge remember to take your Nitrox before you eat any cookies. DARIUS! krr krr. G Man, board is over china, loosen up. Jinj i'll speak to you in three years again when you get out of prison. Rox, don't change. Jan die Man, we miss your rage. To all the other numerous readers we've had and gained thanks guys, have a happy Christmas.

'K bye.

Related:
Marzia Prince
Marzia Prince Boobs
Vida Guerra stolen phone photos
Monica Leigh
Kayden Kross
Marissa Miller Nude
Vernon Koekoemoer
Vernon Koekoemoer Vodacom Ad

Paris Hilton screwing next to a pool

So great, Paris Hilton caught on camera screwing next to a pool.

Back on the market

Paris real estate is up for grabs again... SWEET! She broke off the five month attention seeking engagement with Greek shipping heir, Paris Latsis (hehe, he's got a girl's name!)

"Hilton said she still loves Latsis and the pair will continue to work together on business endeavours and have "movies together in the works." "

Let's hope we get "those movies" sooner and not later. But only Miss Hilton's scenes.

To get you back in the Paris mood, here goes. Thanks Judge, bless your heart.



And in other news, Jen and Brad's divorce is final, and their real estate really is up for sale. You can snap it up if you have a cool 28-million dollarz.

Paris Hilton Modelled on Macaulay Culkin

Um, is someone going to explain this to me.

Me, myself and I - My life ... or lack thereof

Many of our readers have wanted to get to know us better, find out exactly who we are, what makes us tick. Saw this over at ten miles, and thought this would answer some questions. Just made a couple adjustments to the questions...

20 years ago: I was a pimp-ass cocky Grade 0 at primary school, chillin' in the sandpit trying to spell pron with my boys, G Man and Jamma, and a host of others.

10 years ago: I was a pimp-ass cocky Form 1 at high school, chillin' at The Tree talking about porn with my boys, G Man, Wezzo, Jinja and a host of others.

5 years ago: I was a pimp-ass cocky first year at Tuks, chillin' in the piazza reading porn with my boys G Man and Judgey Poo and a host of others.

1 year ago: I was a pimp-ass cocky first year at work, chillin' at my desk doing jack-shit but emailing porn to my boys, G Man, Wezzo, Jinja, Judgey Poo, Jamma and a host of others.

Yesterday: I was a pimp-ass cocky second year at work, chillin' at my desk doing jack-shit but blogging porn for my boys, G Man, Wezzo, Jinja, Judgey Poo, Jamma and a host of others.

Today: See "Yesterday".

Tomorrow: See "Yesterday". Change into future tense.

5 songs I know all the words to:
Vanilla Ice – Ice Ice Baby (my karaoke standard).
Coolio – Gangsta's Pardise.
TKZee & Benni – Shibobo.
Nelly – Ride With Me.
Unknown – Mary Had a Little Lamb.

5 things I would do with R100,000,000:
Buy a KFC (I just luurve fried chiggin).
Buy Wezzo some BioSlim (you tubby fucker!).
Buy Jinja some new hair.
Buy G Man a personality.
Buy a one year boat cruise for my old lady (awww, sweet). And when she comes back, send her on another one, and another one, and another… (hey, its better than slamming her in an old age home!)

5 bad habits I have:
I swear like a fucking trooper.
I squiz too much porn.
I sit all day blogging while charging my client hundreds per hour.
I hug girls. Any girls. All the time. And squeeze them hard so I can feel their boobs squashed against my body. Even the chicks at work. Including my managers.
I suck my pen and then smell my drying spit (Not really, but this guy I work with does).

5 things I use the Internet for:
Surfing for porn.
Downloading porn.
Viewing porn.
Emailing porn.
And of course, electronic payments – to pay for porn.

5 things I would never wear:
Condoms (only joking, sheesh!).
A speedo (even though I've been told I have quite a package).
A hat wif horns (even at Loftus, and everybody had them).
A fat chick's thighs as earmuffs.
Anything that straps on.

5 people I'd like to meet:
Paris Hilton.
Jenna Jameson.
My father.
Che Guevarra (I'd ask him if I could take a picture of him and print it on a t-shirt).
Madiba (it would be totally un-P.C. if I didn’t).

5 people to respond with totally abusive comments:
Wezzo
G Man
Jinja Ninja
Judgey Poo
Rox? Come on girl, you know you wanna.

Answer your questions? Know a little more about me and what makes me tick? Yip, that's right, porn makes me tick… you're very perceptive! And ditto this for Wezzo, G and Jinja.

Don't look back in anger

Finally someone that agrees with me:

Liam Gallagher slates U2 "wankers"

Oasis loudmouth Liam Gallagher has advised Bono to get a life.

The singer was reacting to the recent revelation that U2 watch back every gig they do on tape to ensure perfection.

"Wankers," he declared in an interview with Sydney's Daily Telegraph. "Haven't they got fuck all better to do? I'd rather be out there getting pissed.

"I certainly wouldn't go back after a gig and analyse it. No wonder they're the biggest band in the world: 'Oh Edge, the fourth guitar solo wasn't right tonight'. 'Oh, sorry Bono'. If that's what people think rock'n'roll is ... ". Story - Digital Spy

Liam you a jackass yourself but that has gots to be the best thing you have ever said - I may even go out and buy your latest album because of it. Yes Bono and rest of U2 do in fact suck monkey balls!

In unrelated news, when Paris isn't on the road filming the Simple Life she helps out the Hilton Hotels gardening company. She even gets down and dirty with a rake and spade if need be, here a couple of images to prove the fact.

View the full set

This may be a little redundant after having seen the stills of Jessica Simpson in her new music video "These Boots are made for walking" all over the web. Salami has posted them links to them twice. Ryan over at Gorilla Mask added them to his Spank Bank. Here they are If you haven't seen them already - hey, it's only a pleasure.

View the full set

If you a fan of Jessica Simpson's music like my mate Pimp Dog (he's redesigned his blog somewhat, go and have a squiz) go and download the song (live) here (via stereogum). I haven't listened to it myself but I know it will no doubt sound like a Karaoke version of the original. Fine ass, great pair of tits but the voice of a rabid cat.

How Dumb is Paris Hilton?

CNN - The Real Paris Hilton

Q: Do you read what's written about you? Do you pick up the tabloids?

HILTON: I don't read any of it. I just look at the pictures to see what I was wearing last week and if it was cute.

Q: Do you read blogs?

HILTON: What's that?

Q: Um, they're these things on the Internet where people write about news and stuff.

HILTON: No, I don't really read anything on the Internet except my AOL mail. I don't like people who sit on computers all day long and write about people they don't know anything about.

Q: Paris, you just described my job.

(Her publicist, Rob Shuter, laughs.)

Q: What did you want to be when you were a little girl?

HILTON: A veterinarian, but then I realized I could just buy a bunch of animals.
...
...
Q: Why are you so popular?

HILTON: I don't know, because of who I am. I'm not like anybody else. I'm like an American princess.

Q: What would you be like if you were -- I don't know -- Paris Smith?

HILTON: I'd be the same. Maybe I'd be a veterinarian.

Q: In your career, what are you most afraid of happening?

HILTON: I don't know. Nothing.

Q: Nothing? What about in your personal life?

HILTON: I don't know. Death.

Q: Why? What's so scary about death?

HILTON: Because I don't know what happens.

I can really relate I also have no clue don't know what happens, mmmmommy.

Read the whole interview over at CNN.

Vida Guerra 2005 Calendar

Remember that foxy little beeyatch that had her phone photo's stolen. Yes Batman - Paris Hilton did get hers stolen but I'm in fact tolkin about that chick with the Bangin Booty, Vida Guerra. I came across a forum where the discussion was about her the ass in question (don’t ask how I landed up there). A lad commented anonymously claiming to be part of the US FHM photography crew that has apparently done dozens of photo shoots with her. Hey I can't back this up seeing as I don't have time to sift through my browsing history. So take it with a pinch o' salt you hear. It is funny though - who in their right mind would want to have their ass loaded with cellulite.

Anyway, the majority of our hits lately have been from "Vida Guerra stolen phone photos" Yahoo search clues. So the chick is popular, and she and her publicist definitely know this seeing as they only came out with a 2005 calendar of her half nekkid in April (check our the images below).

Check her hips in "January", do they look as though they've also been under a rusty scalpel? Maybe Rox can help us out being the only chick reader we have.

Link from GorillaMask