Paris Hilton's Forgotten Sister

Conscience Glover, its been reported, has grown up in rural Namibia ever since she was abandoned by parents Kathy Hilton and Lethal Weapon star Danny Glover's brother Whydoncha back in the early 80s. "The sex was lame" Whydoncha said "all she did was lie there, probably the reason for Paris' squiff eye and her penchant for prison guards".

In other news, news of Paris having to enjoy a cavity search before entering her cell on Monday morning may be boring, even unnecessary to many but strangely excited this young reporter. Although thinking about it, I'm sure it was a wasted exercise - reports have it that she's never been able to flex (in this case, hold anything with) those muscles ever since the Manhattan Ladder 11 fire extinguisher incident.