News from one fucked up New Years

Happy New Year Chumps! Drink lots, party hard, kiss gently and wrap it up. And if you're driving, bribe the pigs generously (they're working New Years' Eve after all). But DON'T drink and drive. Be safe young grasshopper. 'Til two-007.


This was a public service announcement brought to you by ChumpStyle, in the interest of public safety, good health, less illegitimate children and richer Metro pigs.

News from one fucked up golf tour

ChumpStyle presents: The 1st Annual Golf Tour 2006 to the KwaZulu Natal North Coast.

After some serious planning and negotiation, lying and contriving, begging and pleading, the 1st Annual Golf Tour was underway last Wednesday. After a couple noteable withdrawals and substitutes organised, eight of the craziest mofos hit the cream of KZN's golfing crop.

Who played:
First 4-ball: Mr Price, "Robert", G Man and Pot. Second 4-ball: Dari, Judge, Marcosaurus and "Cliff".


Where we stayed:

La Montagne in Ballito. Not bad, relatively cheap accomodation seeing as though we only slept and showered there.


Where we played:

Thursday, 31 August 2006 - Royal Durban
This course was built inside of the Greyville racetrack, which is quite cool since you're surrounded by the grandstands and stuff! This is a relatively short course, with a stupidly short Par 5, something like 480 metres.


Friday, 1 September 2006 - Durban Country Club
South Africa's only course featuring in Top 100 in the world. Holy cow but this is by far the most unforgiven course any of us have ever played, the first five holes are like nothing you've ever seen. Bushes, hills, wind, highways and really bad caddies! I don't think so many balls have been lost like at that place!


Saturday, 2 September 2006 - Mount Edgecombe Course No 2
By far the most enjoyable for most of us, more forgiving and fuggen beautiful! It also has a couple driveable holes, but at the same time some seriously challenging ones when the wind is in your face - like a 131m Par 3, 6 iron. Serious!


Where we "played":
No doubt we hitting the motherland - the original Tiger Tiger! Shame for those girls. We were seriously people they would love to hate, but they just loved us way too much! Damn. Thoughts of Rivonia Tiger bring a tear to my eye. Oh yes, there was a special guest appearnance by Jozi ex-pat Grover, our social liaison and party organiser - good form, guy!





Who got paid:
There was some serious big pimpin going on...


Who needs to fix the fade:
The overall winners (and losers) - Winner of the Blue Jacket was Judge, who came out trumps winning all three days, while Pot came last in two of the three, but with enough points to take away "Tweedie my baby" for the next year.


That was seriously the best boys' golfing hoilday ever! Good company, (not so) good golf, good times and better memories. Thanks to the Poo for the organisation of everything - shot buddy!

'Til the next one in the SW Cape - Pezula and the rest of them. Start saving little boys! And fucken book leave NOW!

Related: The Honourable Roger Golf Day at Lost City.

News from one fucked weekend

Thursday 17 August 2006

It was yet another birthday weekend... and Judge forced us to hit the Madhatter on Thursday night for a deshtroyer of a 25th birthday - total disregard for the fact that some of us have real, client-facing jobs!

Dude, hats off, it was seriously well attended - who knew you had so many acquaintences and half-friends!

That was our first Thursday at the 'Hatter for a long time, but it was relatively quiet. But it was a good return. Holy cow were there some SERIOUS belters (meaning the Millers chickie).

The bee-ya-yatches...


Carlsberg had a foosball promo going on. The promo girls had it going on too.


Some of the gents. And the newest, latest and greatest (and tallest) Chump of the lot - Stretch. Dude even makes Judge look small.


Big Brian whipped out the gangsta-assed bling like no other with some serious ice wrapped around his wrists. And then I couldn't help but sneek a pic of the biggest crack attack ever. Shit but that was nasty!


But no doubt the highlight of the night (make that 3am Friday morning) was the Steers on the way home. Holy crap but that the best food ever. Not to mention probably some of the best entertainment from the birthday boy himself.


Good birthday guy! I'm glad you invented everything to make it a massive night. Like thanks for making Manhattan, hot chicks and alcohol. You're the best.

Saturday, 19 August 2006
Jamma and his man-wife Mackers had a digs party, which was about as massive as a Kurt Darren concert at the loxion. Quite a kriek-kriek night. Nice try boys. Less auditors, more hot chicks. Got it?

'Til next weekend...

News from one fucked up golf/birthday weekend

Saturday, 12 August 2006 - 15h00

So we cracked the nod to the Miller's Urban Golf thingie on Saturday. They closed off Middle Street in Brookies to set up nine holes of pure awesomeness. Accompanied by some hottie caddies with boobs for brains, 10 four-balls set about our merry ways hacking through RMB's beautifully manicured gardens, wrecking SAB's shiny new irons and guzzling a bottle of MGD or 12.

Hats off to Wezzo, Pot, G Man and Judge for winning the comp, scoring a respectable one-under, and an iPod richer. Dos, Gregory John, "Robert" and myself came a close second at even par.







What a great day - golf, beer and tits. Actually, come to think of it, it's just like any given Sunday.

Saturday, 12 August 2006 - 19h30

We moved on from the Miller's street party to Co.fi for Shaunifer's birthday bash.


Pity Wezzo was so rude he totally dissed the party for a sleep in (on) his car. Pity both Shaun and Jennifer were so wrecked they couldn't remember their names. You guys missed out on such a cool one, maybe the pics will help fill the blanks.

'Til the next one. Which unfortunately is this Thursday for Judge's 25th... Hope you can get at least five half-friends there! With that said, I formally hereby tender my non-attendance to said birthday celebrations. What that means is that I'm not coming. Savvy?

News from one fucked up birthday/house party weekend

So G Man cracked the big two-five in August, how he got there still amazes me today. Dude, how have not received 25 to life? Or drunk yourself into a hole and never crawled out? Or been knocked the fugout cos of that "Hit me quick" smirk of yours. Seriously, Aunty Jan must be proud!

And it was also his Me Julie's 22nd – G's much better half! Couples birthday parties, how Standard 5 do you get?

Anywho, I was asked to take thousands of pics and post them to prove that G Man actually has friends outside of his bowling club and random nine-to-fiver. And I seem to remember promising everyone they'd make it onto Chump, so here goes – the longest photo gallery of News from one fucked up weekend ever. Make that EVERS!

You might be 25 but you should seriously grow up. Monogrammed muffins? Seriously dude, Standard 5! Presenting the birthday couple, G Man and Me Julie {cue applause}


The peeps:

Jamma, G and Dari - primary school buggerz! With Stud, Stifler, G and D - high school dropouts.


Judge, Chicken and Wazza. Followed by the serial lurkers Pot and Gregory John.


Robbie and Sarah - dude. can't wait for New Years' in the US. And only a couple more sleeps 'til golf holiday. Phat photo: Wezzo and Bitsem - life is treating you boys okay it seems, innit? Count the chins and win!


There must've been crack in that stogie cos I swear there were two ducks in the pool. And chickens in the corner? Speaking of chicks, meet the mother of my twins, G's older sister Kerrycopter.


Me Julie's ladeez, Nats and Sarah. And baby sis Kat.


The fam - Kerry, G and Candice. And what Chump News would be complete without Jadey Poo and Chicken?


Then the shit hit the fan. My favourite son Trav totally DESHTROYING Dawson! And a street kid.


The mayhem and aftermath...


Fucken awesome night, good party guys! And HAPPY BIRTHDAY once again. Collect your Chump shirts at the door. And thanks to Aunty Jan and Big Kev for the abuse of your house. And the BIGGEST big up to Big Rache for the killer crumbed chiggen! Fried chiggen...

'Til the next birthdays, Pot's, Chicken's, Judge's. FUCK! August is going to be an expensive month!

Related
Me Julie's 21st last year. Hands up who remembers Lazzo getting teabagged by the cock, I mean cook!
G's birthday at Roxy's.