Hot Tomalli

So you rate you can chow chilli's, you enjoy that warm fuzzy feeling at the time of consumption and time of expulsion. You live by that no pain, no gain moto. Well let me enlighten you.

You get many different types of chilli eaters and you may find that they move up and down in regards to how much they eat. It's like boxing, if you slack and don't stick to your training regime you will get knocked the fug out.

• There are the few that stay well clear of chilli altogether, pepper and mustard make them refrigerate the TP. These are the totally unenlightened, hopeless actually because if you don't eat chilli you never will. Consider yourself Lemon and herb, chicken breast.


• Average Joe enjoys a few jalapenos every now and then, a splash of Tabasco in the morning and sprinkles dried Paprika over everything.


• Then there are the regular chilli eaters. A meal just isn't right without chilli, the yolk at breakfast should resemble a Red traffic light, with the amount of Tabasco on it. They will even attempt to eat a Habanero when drunk enough.


• Insane. These bizarre people, are either dead from the neck up, or have conditioned themselves to the point where they wipe the arse with Red Savina Habanero's.

So now you think that because you fall into the regular class that it's justa small step to becoming an Insane chili freak. Well, you are wrong. Chilli's are measured according to a specific scale, The Scoville Scale. Put simply, the measly Jalapeno measures a max of 5000 Scoville units, Tabasco and Cayenne an impressive 50 000 Scoville units. But the Red Savina Habanero weighs in at a whopping 855 000 Scoville's.

Holy Jezuz, jumpin' on a pogo stick.