Wouldn't It Be Great: Pointsmen

I have been driving from Pretoria to Springs over the last while which has been a nightmarish experience to say the least. I not only have to wake up at the crack but the journey can take between one and one a half hours all depending on the lack of Pointsmen or how competent the numerous Pointsmen en route (spreken ze freunch?) are. This has been annoying the shits out of me and has led me to write our first installment of Wouldn't It Be Great. I will be moving swiftly, try and keep up.
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Wouldn't it be great if the traffic dept. had a number of helicopters armed with Pointsmen patrolling the roads specifically looking for traffic jams? If one was spotted (the traffic kind) a designated official would don his lumo jacket and ridiculous hat and abseil down the rope to the rescue. Hey I'd even fucking consider being a Pointsman if they had something like this in place.

Wouldn't it be great if the female versions didn't look like Mindy, the horse I used to ride in Primary School? (Don't ask). Find someone attractive, someone that will make me actually want to take this god forsaken route again, someone that when I get home will make me think "screw Maxim, I'm knocking one out too that perky Pointswoman I saw at Rigel & Nelmapius earlier, and hey hopefully tomorrow as well".

Wouldn't it be great if they looked as though they're having fun while performing their risky arm movements? I have yet to see one actually smile. I'm the one supposed to be upset here, I've been at the front of my queue for 5 fucking minutes and you haven't let us move at all, let alone look in our direction - fuck you, you grumpy equestrian featured fuck.

Wouldn't it be great if they impressed us a little? I once saw a video clip of a Pointsman in India dancing while he directed traffic. That's what we need. Just imagine if they had a number of them in the middle of the intersection doing little Broadway style act with top hats and canes, the whole deal. The road side sellers could actually make money for a change getting in on the act selling peanuts and hot dogs, hey I would even consider buying that sketch-clear-sketch untensil they sell on occasion. Job creation anyone?

Have you noticed how their job only starts on the hour or half an hour, not a minute before not a minute after. I was at an exit on the R21 yesterday in a 300m long queue that was moving at one car a minute (you do the math). As I got closer to the intersection I noticed there was in fact a person in question, but he was parking off in the sun on the side of the road SMS'ing or playing Snake II. The clock struck 16h30 and Bongani was up in a flash fixing what god (the traffic dept.) had created - the mother of all traffic jams. Bongani was good I tell you that, but why wasn't the Bongangster up directing 5 fucking minutes earlier!

So Mr. Traffic Department's Ambassador, remember I'm the grumpy one here, not you. You are part of the establishment that chose to put a stop street up instead of a robot (traffic light) at the N4 and Farm Dely. You though have a chance to temporarily fix their fuckup, you can ultimately become our hero. The ball is in your court, now dazzle us. If not, it's knee caps we talking about here my friend, fucking knee caps. Make us smile, make us laugh and whatever you do, DO NOT make us cry - it holds up the queue.