The Old Britney *Sigh*

Jennifer McCarthy Turned Playboy Photographer

It doesn't happen often but when it does you sure do have sit back cherish the moment. Previous Playboy centerfold Jennifer McCarthy photographing the upco... - sorry a little emotional, lump in the proverbial throat, here we go - the upcoming playmate Jennifer Madden.
Check out the Full Gallery. NSFW warning.

This is Uncomfortable [Knuckle Bite]

Wow really, really awkward. I remember seeing on the South African version years ago contestants getting bumped off on the third or fourth question but never the first... this is uncomfortable.

Click on the white space above.
via

Ad in the men's bathroom

Check this tattoo hair removal ad in the mens' room at Manie's, the grick restaurant we had dinner at on Saturday.



Not only does it get rid of your gorilla back hair, but it turns you into a muscle backed hunk! Gonna send this to Leno...

Fist come, fist served

Jeez!!!! Seriously, I'm almost embarrassed about posting this. In fact, I blame the frikken cold Calgary weather where there's nothing to do anyway, and super fast internet for giving me the time and ability to surf for such dodgy stuff!

Definitely not safe for work. Actually, I don't know of this is even safe for private home viewing.

Girls's Costume Warehouse

Get your fucken ass down there and check out the fucken video.

Dangerous Intersection Causing Some Pretty Cool Accidents

The intersection first came to attention in 2003 when a convertible carrying three chicks in their mid-20s lost control on McKinley, flew airborne into crossing traffic, was struck hard-core at an oblique angle by a Cadillac Escalade, caught a 920 flatspin-into-nosegrind over the roofs of oncoming traffic, and finally hooked a digger and came to rest on the railroad tracks, at which point it was struck by a freight train and fucking exploded.

"Those poor honeys didn't have a chance," said Metz, who was on the scene. Read the rest of this frikken sweet article.

You got to love The Onion, reporting at it's finest.

Rocky iPod User

This is pretty sweet:

Google Earth spotters have discovered a strange rock formation in the prairies of central Canada that resembles a native American in headdress listening to an iPod. The rock formation is in Alberta, Canada about 300km southeast of Calgary, near the border with Saskatchewan.

Dubbed the Alberta Indian, the formation was discovered by a Google Earth spotter nicknamed Supergranny. Read the full writeup.

...
The feature can be found here on Google Maps. The Google Earth coordinates are 50° 0'38.20"N 110° 6'48.32"W. Thanks for the heads up Jeffie my boy!

Speaking of Indian's and rock formations in Canada have you chaps checked out our sister blog, Dari & G Man in North America. It's as if Rachel & Ross went their seperate ways and started their own soapie.

If yo' mother only knew...

Ever heard of Rahzel? A before H, both after R? The Godfather of noise? No? Well he's the supremo when it comes to sound effects and beatboxing.

I've spent years trynna find this clip, and finally I have. If Yo' Mother Only Knew... in case you're wondering, that's the beat. And the chorus. AT THE SAME TIME!!!!

That's crazy-dirty shit right thurr!

Other clips:
MTV - Made in the USA
Rahzel at the Amsterdam Drum 'n Bass fest.

...at the SAME TIME...

Anyone seen this man?

Oral Sex

Chump's Boobs of the Week

Thanks to Tim and Wezz for the find.. But mostly Tim.

Natalia Bush

No relation I hope. Quite frankly I think the USA might be better off with this gorgeous Bush shouting out...uh, commands. Like "Who took my sheer lace bra?",
"Ms. President Hjotness, it must have been them Iraq SOB's, bomb the shit outta them!"
"OK, but I want my bra back for tonight's date with Clinton."


By the way love the Yellow Cab undies Nat, do you charge by the Mile or Hour?







Pic via Glam0ur. Shot Rob, wicked find.

Stop Piracy: Don't Be a Douche!

Stereogum gives it a lardy "Remember when he was funny?" - completely missing the irony. While I give them a childish "I know you are, but what is he". If anyone's douching it Stereogum, it's you chumps.

Update:
If you're interested, check out the trailer for the upcoming Tenacious D movie. It's going to fucking rock.

Belter of the Week #Week 1

In normal circumstances I would have given little Gemma Atkinson over here the title of Chump's Boobs of the Week but I had to do quick double take when I realised she virtually hadn't any. I was so far gone in awe of Gemma's overall beauty and hadn't really noticed the womanly feature that we here at ChumpStyle care about most, her mind. Why she doesn't get it together and make an appointment with the local surgeon and pump those tiny little fuckers is beyond this tiny mind. Trust me, she'll go places. I mean, anywhere is better than having a half naked shoot over looking the stinking Hudson*. Ladies, write that down. Otherwise, she lays down a good spread, kudos/props to the ever faithfull Gorillamask - again.

Earlier someone whispered sweet nothings into my ear along with mentioning that she's our Belter of the Week.

* Note: Could be anywhere, but I've always had the burning desire to take a dump in afore mentioned river.

Caption This: CANONBAAAALL

Our second installment of ChumpStyle's Caption This series and this one is tipped to be two ball hairs shy of a humdinger.

Is Lindsey (Blohan as some folks like to call her) showing some gheon or is that just her meaningless inflamed firecrotch I see before me? Personally, I firmly stand but my statement of 'Baby's Got Nads'.

Previously:
Caption This: Pilot Fish

According to the kids...

I don't know how authentic these responses are, but they're still quite funny!

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?

(1) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
Alan, age 10

(2) No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry.
God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

(1) Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
Camille, age 10

(2) No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.
Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

(1) You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

(1) Both don't want any more kids.
Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

(1) Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know
each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

(2) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that Usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
Martin, age 10 (Who said boys do not have brains)

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

(1) I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

(1) When they're rich.
Pam, age 7

(2) The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
Curt, age 7 (

(3 ) The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
Howard, age 8 (Who made the rule)

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

(1 ) I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm never going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out.
Theodore, age 8

(2 ) It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
Anita, age 9 (Nice! Call me in 9 years)


HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

(1 ) There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
Kelvin, age 8

And the number 1 Favourite is........

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

(1 ) Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
Ricky, age 10 (White lies... they can only do good)

Email from the Jag-Meister himself. Shot bud, keep the emails coming, while charging your clients thousands per hour.

ChumpStyle Matriek Dans Kompetisie 2006

So matrics all across Safrica are prepping for the final exams and all that crap, probably the most stressful thing we all had to go through at that young stage of our lives. Actually I lie, what about matric dance...?

For the girls, it's all about what you wore and who you took. And crying about the fact that slut-faced Stacy brought your ex-boyfriend, and snogged him all night in front of you. Fucking whore!

For the guys, it's all about whether you got to sit at the cool table, pretending to be all main and stuff, whether you got your date drunk enough at the after party to get any, and come Monday's break time, how well you were able to lie about the fact that your date dissed you for one of the rugby jocks while you walked home in shame. Well that was my matric dance. In a nutshell.

In those days, the guy's outfit was simple, easy and cheap. Black tux. Non negotiable. With tails or without, maybe a top hat and satin 'chief sticking out the pocket. Nowadays, it appears that guys have the balls to dress as flash as the girls. Custom matching outfits with cool themes and shit.

And so the Matric Dance is like the Safrican version of the Oscars, rolling up to the red carpet in some flash ride, your friends umming and ahhing, cameras flashing all over. Unfortunately in some places, execution of the glitz and glamour was not the greatest this year, with more Patricia Lewises than Jennifer Anistons.

Check these humdingers, courtesy of Chicken, critiqued by ChumpStyle's in-house fashionista, Dari Dontthinkso, three times runner-up in the Pretoria North Presley's, "Wat nie om the dra nie".

Fifth place
As for this couple, stylish enough, I'll give them that much. Just pity about the dead chicken on your head babe. Two words. Flies and maggots. Oh, and to the dude, I'm sorry your parents were siblings.


Fourth place
Ferrari themed dress? Personally, I would've gone with a Funderbird feme myself.


Third place
I supposed they're both dressed okay, just pity you can't change the way you look - all malnutritioned with the poor white's tan from selling the Beeld on Sunday mornings in the hot Pretoria Norf sun while the rest of us are playing golf in the eastern suburbs (with factor 40, of course).


Joint first place
I'm sorry about copping out and not having the balls to award the win to one couple, but both of these are such pearlers, it would be unfair if they weren't both first.

Firstly, Spiderman meets Snow White? Nice white shoes buddy, did your dentist give them to you? And then loving the acid green material, guys. And shiny polyester is so in right now! As for the New Rocks / Buffalos (I'm sorry I don't know the difference), planning to stamp out some fires / kick a hole in the Cortina? I'd also be grumpy if I was forced to dress like a knob in public, so don't blame you for the grumpiness.

David Blaine and Dane Cook Ripoffs

What's the one common factor between Comedian Dane Cook and Street Magician David Blaine besides "selling out". Yes well done you guessed it - the dramatic effect of the "Camera Stare", watch and learn:

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dane Cook!

Ladies and Gentlemen, David Blaine!

Previously:
Videos - Dane Cook on Conan & SNL
Videos & Flange - First Cruise, then Katie now Dane
Imagine that, we've never mentioned Blaine before hmm?

Digg this for dramatic effect!

Remember, Remember

Who goes to a 21st for the Desert

I got tipped off to take a gander at a certain blog post about Chelsy Davy's 21st which we've all heard Prince Harry attended. The Sunday Times were all about the gossip but the Cape Townian blogger in question, The Beast, wasn't having any of it.

Prince Harrys girlfriend UCT belter Chelsy Davy had her 21st party at Beluga on Friday night and Harry was back in town to enjoy it. The Sunday Times seemed determined to sensationalise this story and in a desperate attempt to generate some gossip reported the following:

They were partying so hard they didnt even have dessert. It was only alcohol after the main course

Hectic huh! They passed up dessert in favor of ALCOHOL. Have you ever heard of such a thing?

What is a 21st party if not a celebration of Chocolate Mousse and Ice Cream? Hell, mine was a pudding party were guests were invited to sample 50 of the worlds finest desserts (Norwegian Tiramisu was voted the best). The only alcohol we served was in the Brandy Tart.

Have you ever eaten dessert at a 21st? Ever in your life? I do recall the one time I got the munchies at about 4am, so I stumbled over 6 naked girls and a crack pipe to grab some hash brownies, but I can safely say that dessert was never high up the 21st priority list. Read the rest...

Hilarious, so of course I checked out the rest of blog. And after a quick review I can honestly say it has to be some of the funniest writing I've read from a South African Blogger, and I normally don't say this too freely - my new favourite SA blog.

Very geared towards his mates with a number of inside jokes (much like ChumpStyle mind you) but if you can look past that, the Beast Insight might just become yours too.

Thanks for the heads up Rob.

Cock fighting

This must be one of the funniest clips ever. Check how fast that chicken/rooster/cock is. Sorry, but I don't know what the politically correct name for a chicken is.

Thanks to Chicken (the irony?) for the email.

Naas try, boet!

While catching up on the thousands of murders, rapes, high-jackings and peeping tom incidents of P-Town, I came across this article.

Naas, Joel battle for Bulls
The race to become the new chief executive officer of the Blue Bulls could
come down to a straight fight between two former Springbok greats, Naas
Botha and Joel Stransky.

My money's on Naas, the Loftus faithful are much more fonder of him, I reckon.

But actually I hope they become joint CEO's, which should guarantee that both of them are off the telly. Supersport will be much more better off...

It is niiiice, to hav bin mitting you

Apparently Kazakhstanis have feeling?

Last year's MTV awards were classic when Borat aka Ali G aka Sacha Baron Cohen hosted the function! Only to be followed by hate mail from the Kazakhstani ministry of retaliation, sour grapes and bad sports.

In an attempt to make up and appear politically koorek, the Kazak government have invited Borat to visit their country, to see that life in that country is not half as bad he reports.

You mean, women don't pull ploughs, or milk bulls for semen, to be used to make bull's semen candles? But seriously, I actually know someone who knows someone who knew the Kazak woman who was killed in the bear wrestling thing during the Kazakhstani national day celebrations in 1993.

PS. Kazak girrl at wirk, she still no geev me High Fiiive! I no like her, no more

South African Drivers - WARNING!

In regards to the upcoming 2010 Soccer World Cup, here is a public awareness video.

South Africa, keyword Africa, has a very relaxed view on traffic laws. They are more...like...guide lines. So when you bring your nancy ass over here and attempt any civilised road behaviour and end up with a fat dutch middle finger in your face or a beating much like a red-headed step-child...(you get the picture.)

Do not complain. YOU have been warned.

New Peugeot 207

I can just see the creative team discussing which direction to follow with the new Peugeot 207 advertisement.

Dude 1, lets call him Alberto: "It looks sexy enough for my wife to drive."

Chick 1, Lets call her DJane: "Ah, it's cute."

Dude 2, let's call him Miguel, whispers to Alberto "I'd fuck DJane all over that car."

...and an ad is born.

Such a girl's car, such a man's add.

Just moer him one time, bru

Nothing funnier than a Muslim getting harassed in New York...

Boobs of the Week - #Anybody?

Yes those gorgeous tits of that famous, famous topless DJ from Budapest Niki Belucci - large gallery.

_____
I really had no idea who she was until a few minutes ago.

The Art of Ms P.Hilton

After looking at this post you probably wondering why the title isn't something along the lines of "Just in time for Halloween, shock-shock-horror, Paris Hilton Reads a Book" or "Yup, bitch can fuckin read?". Truth is I'm tired of all this Hollywood/New York socialite bullshit. I no longer want to be the go-to guy when you need the last few clues to complete your Heat crossword puzzle - I'm out. And plus, Paris is looking too damn cute (surprisingly) in these photies for me to get nasty.

Casper de Vries on the Learning Channel

Never been a huge fan of Casper de Vries but have to admit, this video is hilarious.

Awesome use of Stop Motion Photography

Definitely one of the coolest vids I have seen.

Grindhouse: Planet Terror Trailer

When you give Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez a 2B pencil, notepad and any type of budget, you pretty damn sure they'll bash together a film with more blood, guts and sexy bitches to make anyone feel a little woozy. Their next addition looks like it's set to be a ripper: Grindhouse "Planet Terror". Check out the trailer here.

Best part of it has to be the belter with a gun as a leg (which you have to see to believe it's awesomeness) and this line: [Movie Trailer Voice] "They called him Machete, he's knows the score, he gets the women and he kills the bad guys", it's as if we helped write the script.

Update:
I've updated the video links, should work give me a shout if it doesn't.

Movie-A-Minute

Soooooooooooooo many movies, sooooooooo little time...

Ever wish you could get through loads of movies in a very short space of time?

Well now you can with Movie-A-Minute!

They sum movies up for you into about 20 seconds so you can now know what every single movie was about... ever.

Here is a few examples:


Mission: Impossible II
Directed by John Woo

Cast: Hi. We're--

John Woo: Enough plot development. Fight in slow motion.

(People SHOOT and pull their FACES off.)

THE END
------------------------------------
Interview With the Vampire
Directed by Neil Jordan

Brad Pitt: I don't want to suck blood from humans.

Tom Cruise: Yes you do.

Brad Pitt: You're right.

THE END
------------------------------------

Speed
Directed by Jan de Bont

Dennis Hopper: I will blow up the elevator.

Keanu Reeves: Oh no. Not the elevator. (saves elevator)

Dennis Hopper: I will blow up the bus.

Keanu Reeves: Oh no. Not the bus. (saves bus)

Dennis Hopper: I will blow up the subway.

Keanu Reeves: Oh no. Not the subway. (saves subway)

THE END

Gone Baby Gone

Fleas in the search of blood, and a house wife to seduce. Yup sounds crazy, but safe to say my favourite music video to date.

Gnarls Barkley's new video "Gone Baby Gone" is a hit the making. Check it out here.

Krupa is Amazing

Joanna Krupa has forever been in our hearts ever since we featured her way back when... So it was natural that I almost fell faint [though it might have been from shnorting one too many Miprodols] when I found a massive gallery Mediabom put up, with shots from various shoots and red carpet moments. Yup, face it ladies you don't come hotter than Krupa - sorry.

Mediabom - Joanna Krupa Gallery

Previously:
Joanna Krupa in the house
I cannot get over how hot she is [NSFW]
Oh My Greatness

White 'n nerdy

So I don't know if this track has dropped in SA yet, but it's from the latest Houston hard hitter, Chamillionaire - Ridin' Dirrrty.

It's quite a hit, so the gangsta's are really kickin' hit right hurr. Listen here.

But true to form, Weird Al has produced his own version, White 'n Nerdy. Pretty funny, as funny as Weird Al can get, I suppose? Watch, and listen my friend.

Dutchman in Asia

Our very own worldly correspondent, Dari goes where few others have gone before (eg: the railing above, Cle... ahem). This time he's up somewhere in Canada "deshtroying the place fucked up" - his very eloquent put words. It's more like he just needed a few months to get away from the P-Town-Jozi hustle and bustle, and get some much needed quality time with his boyfriend. From what we've heard, both are "deshtroying each other, fucked up".

Be sure to keep in touch with his ga daily adventures.

Historic IM Blunders

Damn funny, read more...

New Trend in Surfing

Let me be the first to call bullshit...

The truth about Steve Irwin's death...

Lovin the stripper croc!

Friends

Damn straight! Imagine 50 years from now when you look back, you'll be laughing...

Thanks to Joel the JagMeister - the only 20-something I know that drives a Jag. And a better car than his boss. Bad move buddy, either he's gonna pay you less or make you work harder. Lose-lose situation buddy. At least you can fit four sets of clubs in the back!

What’s in a name?

No doubt, you’ll agree that a catchy name for your business will attract attention, which attracts customers, who pay for your goods/ services, and you make money. And you do your bit for the economy and job creation and all that warm ‘n fuzzy crap that all those people at the top go on about.

But check the name of this company: Pen Island. Not the most creative? Bit it’ll do. Basically they make custom pens. And custom pens must be expensive right, so this place must make moolah? But with a website like this, I don’t know so much? Visit their site at www.penisland.net.



Or if you have green fingers, try the local nursery: www.molestationnursery.com



Ever wanted to find a shrink? Or maybe a rapist? Click here: www.therapistfinder.com

Or Power Generators Italia at www.powergenitalia.com. Beware the horny chicks!

Religious? Click here for some e-Religion from the First Cumming Methodist Church: www.cummingfirst.com

Or if you're looking for an adult distance learning institution, visit this page: www.expertsexchange.com. Bet most of their hits originate from Thailand...

If you're famous like us, find an agent here: www.whorepresents.com. You may get to finally meet Paris Hilton through them.

Shot to Jake the Snake for the email. Pearlers, bud!