Woman auctions her Enzo and Growler off...

What does a Ferrari and a Bearded Axe Wound have in common?

You can get them both off eBay for $1.6 MILLION DOLLARS

"BERLIN, Germany (Reuters) -- A woman living in Germany is auctioning off her red Ferrari Enzo sports car and including a little extra in the package -- herself."

Sounds hjot... 10 bucks says she is a MINGJER!

"The 26-year-old has invited bids on Internet auction site eBay starting at $1.6 million. She said she was rich herself, liked her car and was looking for a man who could foot the bill for such a luxury."

But what if she's not? DAMN I wish I had that kind of money.

World Cup Mascot Smack Down

Friday's wouldn't be the same if you didn't do something unproductive...

And there is something to be said about beating an English Mascot to death with a Swedish Woman's boobs.

Hot Tomalli

So you rate you can chow chilli's, you enjoy that warm fuzzy feeling at the time of consumption and time of expulsion. You live by that no pain, no gain moto. Well let me enlighten you.

You get many different types of chilli eaters and you may find that they move up and down in regards to how much they eat. It's like boxing, if you slack and don't stick to your training regime you will get knocked the fug out.

• There are the few that stay well clear of chilli altogether, pepper and mustard make them refrigerate the TP. These are the totally unenlightened, hopeless actually because if you don't eat chilli you never will. Consider yourself Lemon and herb, chicken breast.


• Average Joe enjoys a few jalapenos every now and then, a splash of Tabasco in the morning and sprinkles dried Paprika over everything.


• Then there are the regular chilli eaters. A meal just isn't right without chilli, the yolk at breakfast should resemble a Red traffic light, with the amount of Tabasco on it. They will even attempt to eat a Habanero when drunk enough.


• Insane. These bizarre people, are either dead from the neck up, or have conditioned themselves to the point where they wipe the arse with Red Savina Habanero's.

So now you think that because you fall into the regular class that it's justa small step to becoming an Insane chili freak. Well, you are wrong. Chilli's are measured according to a specific scale, The Scoville Scale. Put simply, the measly Jalapeno measures a max of 5000 Scoville units, Tabasco and Cayenne an impressive 50 000 Scoville units. But the Red Savina Habanero weighs in at a whopping 855 000 Scoville's.

Holy Jezuz, jumpin' on a pogo stick.

Serial killer? Or just plain techie?

Try this quiz out, sort the programming language inventors from the fucked up, liver eating, cold dead body fucking psychos that look through your windows at night while you take a shit.

Update:
Through mutual agreement, the rest of the post has been removed. Hope no one was harmed in the making of this post! A thousand apologies to all those affected.

WTF?

FuckU-FuckMe(tm) for Windows 95, Windows 98, and Windows NT provides the most complete remote sex solution for the Internet and corporate intranet...more

I cannot believe the shit that people come up with. Like this thing for instance. You and your girlfriend buy this godforsaken thing plug it into your PC, she get the plastic man meat/stick, you get the plastic vag/hole in PC. Then according to the product info webpage you two fuck like bunnies via TCP/IP. Sound Great, order me one of those. NOT.

Corporate intranet, so that you can cheat on your wife with the secretary, and neither of you have to stop working or even leave your desk.

I just can't believe the designers thought this to be such an amazing idea that they registered the Trade Mark. Even if by some extreme chance, a dude bought this, and convinced a female of some kind, to try it out with him. Imagine his dismay when he bangs the fuck, excuse the pun, out of his hard-drive and PC altogether.

Don't even get me started with whole FAQ section.

You will be amazed by the Fuck u fuck me site, they believed they had a real winner with this product and set up the site to handle all sorts of customers.

20 Movie Quotes Every Man Should Know

It's alive! It's alive! FRANKENSTEIN 1931

You've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do ya, punk? DIRTY HARRY 1971

Say "hello" to my little friend! SCARFACE 1983

Here's Johnny! THE SHINING 1980

I'm walking here! I'm walking here! MIDNIGHT COWBOY 1969

You talking to me? TAXI DRIVER 1976

I love the smell of napalm in the morning. APOCALYPSE NOW 1979

A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti. THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS 1991

Spank you, Helpy Helperton... ACE VENTURA: When nature Calls 1995

All right, you cheese-dicks, welcome to the 'nam! Follow me. PLATOON 1986


Let me tell you what "Like a Virgin" is about. It's all about a girl who digs a guy with a big dick. The entire song. It's a metaphor for big dicks. RESERVOIR DOGS 1992

You had best unf--k yourself or I will unscrew your head and shit down your neck! FULL METAL JACKET 1987


Don't let your mouth get your ass in trouble. SHAFT 1971

Lock Stock: It's a deal. It's a steal. It's sale of the fucking century! Actually, fuck it, Nick, I think I'll keep it. LOCK, STOCK AND TWO SMOKING BARRELS 1998

You aint gonna shit right for a month. BAD SANTA 2003

Wish in one hand, shit in the other. See which one fills up first. BAD SANTA 2003

If you book them, they will come. WAYNES WORLD 1992

I'm a mawg: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend! SPACEBALLS 1987

Lloyd: What's the soup du jour? Waiter: It's the soup of the day. Lloyd: Mmm... that does sound good. DUMB AND DUMBER 1994

As long as people are still having premarital sex with many anonymous partners while at the same time experimenting with mind-expanding drugs in a consequence free environment, I'll be sound as a pound! AUSTIN POWERS 1997

The Sneaky Boob

For as long as I can remember, I have always had a thing for "The Sneaky Boob" .

So named because of it's Sneakiness... You know the one... When a woman is lying on her stomach and from the side you can see the side of her boob... Just peaking it's head out to say Wassup.

And EVERYTIME I see on of these, lovely, LOVELY boobs, My Guy inevitably looks out over the desk to see what's going on... to greet the Sneaky Boob. Hell, I like Sneaky Boobs even more than the World Cup. HAHA, ok who am I kidding.

Below are some prime examples of Sneaky Boobs.

Never underestimate, The Sneakiness.

Note: If Chump's Readers would like to experience "The Sneaky Boob" themselves, I recommend banging a chick from behind and doing "The Reach Around", to get a handful of "The Sneaky Boob".

Catastrophe

I have just come to the realisation that there was no Chump's Boobs of the Week yesterweek. Shame on me, and Jinja for not having my back.

So now that I feel like a ripe donkey ass, here's a little Vida Guerra ass from her Playboy spread, to make ammends.

Chump's Boobs of the Week

Double-thick milkshake, please.

LUKE...I am your...

Cock sucker.

Brazilian name generator

Okay, so the world has gone World Cup crazy - have you ever seen more posts on Chump about the footie than tits 'n ass? Frankly, it's dick-riculous. But it ain't gonna stop til the Samba Kings lift that trophy come the end of the World Cup.

I bet you've wondered where the hell those crazy Brazilians get their names from. Not even Soccerpaedia aka Marcosaurus could answer that. Well, Chump has the answer, they simply go here.

If Chump were Brazilian:
Dari Dawg - DINHO
Wezzo Palooza - WEZZSON
G-Man - IMO
Jinja Ninja - JINJILDO
Mikey the Mike Mikester - MIKESTA (duh? - the Mikester is universal in any language!)

Pity for the guy called Fred...

Ask Chump
Why do Brazilian players only use one name?

Legend has it that when soccer was first played in Brazil, people from the upper class wanted to play, but they did not want to be associated with a sport being played by the lower class. So they took on nicknames, mostly English last names to disguise their identity.

Get the full answer from here.

Dentistry Graduates

I've got nothing.

I'd Rip That Pig a New One

Story time with Flava Flav, what a guy!

____
Warning: YouTube, nudge, nudge, say no more.

Rollin' rollin' rollin'

SA's latest and greatest fleet of crime stopping vehicles - Hummer H2. Features include:
- 24-inch chrome spinners to dazzle arrestees as they're being pulled over.
- 255/50 fat takkies to climb any curb - you can fuck right off if you think they're gonna look for a real parking at Eastgate at month end.
- Four 15-inch Rockford Fosgate subs to complement the 16 piece sound system, just in case the standard siren system isn't loud enough.
- Four 8-inch DVD monitors to monitor traffic information, driver details, oustanding traffic fines and to keep tabs on the game at Sokka Seetee.
- Playstation 3 with Vice City, Fiddy's gangsta shoot 'em up game and Colin McCrae's rally driver, just to ensure that their driving meets the taxi-driving benchmark, and that they can handle themselves when apprehending the guys jacking "some white guys" Beemer.

Thank you tax payers, for pimpin' my ride. Joh joh joh.



Thanks to Marcosaurus for the email, and the ever vigilant guy that took the photos…

Random Hjotness

I realise that these might be somewhat old, but who gives a shhh...

ChumpStyle We Salute You

So you think you know your music, well nows your chance to give your own 2 cents worth in the following polls.

These are all rock related. Sorry Dawg, we'll have 2Pac, X to the Z and all other acronyms next week. These here polls are the fundamentals of rock. I notice the Greatest guitar player poll was done by JBlack, probably not the same one, but hey.

Really great bands, tough choice.
Most Talented & Ingenius Rock Band Ever?

Caution - May reveal your age.
What Decade Had the Best Rock Music?

Try not to spend to much time deciding.
Rock and Rolls greatest guitar player

Varsity Blue!
Your Favorite AC/DC Song

That'll teach JT to consider himself rock.
Albums of suckiness

OK this might not be one of the fundemental rock questions, but it's here anyway, just click it already.
Favorite Grunge Rock Bands

He's a She

...my apologies, I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

These she-males are dodgy as hell and so if you aren't sure about someone, make sure you read these 10 tell tale signs.

...6. She might have a shapely figure but if she has knees like wrestler Mick McManus be afraid, be very afraid.

7. Send her to a supermarket. If she comes back with a crate of Continental lager, some pizzas and a set of novelty fridge magnets, then she was born a bloke.

8. Ask her who Manolo Blahnik is. If she thinks he might play for Real Madrid, it’s a bloke. But if she says he’s a shoe designer, you’ve got the real thing.

9. Leave the loo seat up. If she daintily leaves it down after use, it’s a woman. If the toilet looks like someone has just installed a sprinkler system, then she’s still got her meat and veg...more.

You've been warned.

News from one fucked up long weekend

Thursday, 15 June 2006
We hit MadHatters for the first time on a Thursday for their Students' Night. Believe it or not, but we're getting old, and Thursdays for the most part are a no, no. And we're pretty much over having to do a work puke at 8.30am come Friday morn. Thirty big ones cover and 2-for-1 special. We got wrecked. We deshtroyed chicks. We threw name like it was Odds in 2005.

Just about the entire crew made their way through, we arrived almost 20 strong, straight to the front of the 50 metre queue. There were poor sods who were queueing in the cold since 7.30pm. I'd hate us if I wasn’t us.

Some of the peeps – Marcosaurus, Wezzo, Dari Dawg, Judge, Pot aka New Guy and Jamma. Not so noteable absentees included G Man and Wazza - you gays missed out. Seriously. The girls included Da, Tamz, Jennifer, Jadey-Poo, Candice and Kay. I just realised, we're a HJOT group of people. I'd do us if I wasn't us.


Then there were the Manhattan newbies Dario, Claudio and Dawson. Dawsie, your fugly mug is on the blog, happy?! But like I said, you guys gotta do some dodgy shit, or dodgy girls to get the real ChumpStyle respec'. Shit like moisten Wezzo's man-titties.


The place was fucking packed! And that pic was taken just after 10pm. The without fail, Wezzo got SO wrecked, he lost yet another phone – number 6 in total (Five lost last year, and so far this was the first for '06). That's my boy! Oh yes, and we found him sleeping on the bonnet of the car, after being MIA for almost 2 hours.

Update:
Wezzo was a bit embarrassed by the original pic, where he looked fucking hammered. That pic, was however, taken out of context, as he was totally sober at the time - it's just that the pic was clicked at a most in-opportune moment. He asked me kindly to make amends...

Saturday, 17 June 2006
We decided to see how the "others" party, and made our way to The Palms in Sandton. Nice club, but fucked up people. Shit vibe. And fucked up people. Actually only one dickhead, that Jewish guy that seemed to really ruin EVERYBODY's night. And I'm not talking about Danny K either. About Danny K, we have beef with that monkey since he stole Lee-Ann Liebz from us. Yip, they're back together - and you heard it first on Chump.

Anyway, no pictures cos I couldn’t be bothered - the whole night was shit.

But what an awesome long weekend – one big night, two rounds of golf, abuse of one (circumcised) Jewish knob, good footie on telly and tons of hot chicks. Rockstar life. It continues…

Monday, 19 June 2006
The Boyz downstairs were robbed. Again. And they took the DSTV decoder. What is this world coming to? Who steals a decoder during the World Cup? Oh wait, I would if I didn’t have one! FYI – Wezzo, Judge and Pot stay downstairs. Luckily Wazza and I live upstairs, so we don’t have those issues.



'Til next weekend. Maybe we bump into the Jewish doos in a dark alley and hit him with a borrel, maybe we catch the fucks who stole the DSTV, and maybe some random hotties get blown over by our charming personalities. Can't wait...

World Cup Spirit

Everyone is in World Cup spirit mode and it makes me sick! There I said it, don't judge me. Everything I say or do gets twisted around into "Speaking of Poloni on Rye did you see that German Poland game last night, no?" or "Yes Wezz you can take a horse to water but you can't... oh my god, Ronaldinho's skills Wednesday out of this world. He Shibobo'd the fuck out of Croatia, yes?". Everything is done in World Cup spirit. I've tried my darndest to get into it, really I have. I've entered into the ultimate excel spreadsheet betting game run by Marcosaurus audited by GMan and Dawg, dropped a crisp leapard on an office bet, created a fantasy side and have entered into Judge's league, popped into Tab on occasion within intention on placing a bet but ultimately don't (I'm not too sure whether it's the stench, the homeless people huddled round a G&T or the large Nigerian bookie that freaks me out). The point is I tried and will continue to do so, just don't bust my nuts when I ask who's playing at nine.

For those of you who can't stop smiling at the thought of Kovac bending it like Beckham early next week here's a great video of clips of amazing skill from Portugal's Ronaldo to Holand's Van Horsieface. Enjoy!

His Passport Says Sean

Awesome Jay-Z/HP commercial.

World Cup simulation

Or should that be stimulation?

Soarita, that other Excel spreadsheet you and your bro use to tirelessly perform your "what if" analyses to predict the winners is SO yesterday! Use this puppy, predict the belter of belters to win the World Cup



Thanks to Larry!

Useless Facts for Wednesday

1. Do you know who invented the paper clip, and no, I'm not talking about that shit Microsoft came up with?
   When Johann Vaaler patented his paper clip in 1901, there already... more (like you'd actually click this link.)


2. Did you know Tucker Max has many other entertaining stories besides his 'The Famous "Sushi Pants" Story'. Stories along the lines of 'The blowjob Follies' and 'Tucker tries buttsex; hilarity does not ensue'


3. And last but not least, Jinja has Jinja pubes

Now you know.

Chump's Boobs of the Week

Haai-yoo-git

Whats better than one Ninja beating the crap out of a bunch of baddies until the bleed becomes? A Ninja stick man beating the crap out of a bunch of baddie stick men. Sorry no bleed becoming, the are stick men OK, there is only so much they can do.

Here is a flash with the Ninja slash Matrix dude plus baddies and Boss. (Old but still good.)

And here is the Animator vs. Animation flash featured on Attu see all. Awesome waste of time and bandwidth, especially at work, plus a bunch more...

Football World Cup: American Point of View

Onegoodmove.com has a great video up of The Daily Show and the Colbert Report explaining of the massive international media coverage of the World Cup, watched by trillions. Funny, funny stuff.

Americans have John Stewart and Stephen Colbert, we have Felicia and Noleen - Nice!

Onegoodmove - World Cup - [Direct Video Link - Right Click, Save As]

Monday Rant

I've heard wierd names before and we all know how the Afrikaans in this country like to bastardise simple names such as Peter and turn them into Pieter-Johannes-van-Stabbel-Quaas and other seriously KAK names. I've even heard of a dude in the SA Defense Force that named his son Website, one guess where he found his wife.

Anyway now the Celebrities have caught this odd disease where they have to make babies and give them life ruining names. Much like the Jolie-Pitt's baby - Shaolin Monk Novell Jolie-Pitt or something like that.

The phenomena aren't new. Remember Dweezil and Moon Unit Zappa in the '60s? But over time, the bar has gone sky high. While waiting for that next big birth, take our quiz on the celebrity name game. Just match the kid's name to the celebrity parent... (South Florida)

Well lets just see what Britney does with her new single...out in a couple of months.

Women during the World Cup

Women think that they are going to have to be resorting to the below extreme measures during the world cup.

Don't stress girls, we will NOT be neglecting you... we still need blow jobs while a game is on... especially if our team is losing. Also, you will be too busy getting more beer and chips to even have the time to use a mechanical cock.

Like no other...

So who has seen the ad on TV with the millions of bouncing balls bouncing down the street and had the arguement of whether it was real or not?
I knew it was real all the time as I happen to have an inner sense for judging the reality of TV adverts relating to colourful bouncing balls (and cause I looked it up).

The ad was shot in San Francisco (gay capital of the world/ad full of balls - coincidence? I dont think so) and they used 170,000 bouncing balls!
Check out the link below where you can download the making of the advert:
Bravia advert

Here are some pics if you haven't seen it yet (the ad is actually for the Sony Bravia flatscreen if anyone was wondering)...



And here is a random picture of a pug dressed up in a spider suit (and yes, this has nothing to do with anything)...