Guess who?

I will give the first person that guesses who these two love birds are R 10 and a pat on the back.

(take note: this photo may be between 1 and 1.5 years old)

Damn Dawg!

The worlds biggest dog.
His name is Gibson (after the guitar).
He is a harlequin great dane and is 7 feet on his hind legs.
Dari got to see him live (little guy on far left of photo).


(just in case anyone ever wondered what the world's biggest dog looked like)

Horse of the week.

Tom Cruise in the closet

...but we knew that.

I saw this one in the US, laughed fucking hard until the cows came home. Apparently it was banned in England - damn gay-hating fag-ass Pommy fucks.

It features celebs like Nicole Kidman, John Travolta and R. Kelly.

Trust the South Park guys to diss him, it was only a matter of time. Guys, that reminds me of one of our weed-induced ideas of yester-year: When are we gonna write our own cartoons? I'll bet we'll sell tens of them. Okay, maybe not tens, but at least four - bless our mothers for their kindness. Seriously, I'll get some waxy crayons on the way home! Jinja, you get the weed... I'm kidding, we don't smoke weed. Cos drugs are bad, mmmkay?

Tom Cruise in the closet (still) (3.5 MB)

The Hottest Weather Woman Alive Today

I have no idea what you are saying but know this: That was the best goddamn weather report I have ever seen, and... I have fallen deeply and madly in love with you. Kids?

Creation of Woman...

First the Lord made man in the Garden of Eden.
Then he said to himself, "There's something he's needing".
After casting about for a suitable pearl,
He kept messing around and created a girl.
Two beautiful legs, so long and so slender,
Round, slim, and firm, and ever so tender.
Two lovely hips to increase his desire,
And rounded and firm to bring out the fire.
Two lovely breasts, so full and so proud,
Commanding his eyes, as he whispers aloud.
Two lovely arms, just aching to bless you,
And two loving hands, to soothe and caress you.
Soft, cascading hair hung down over her shoulder,
And two dreamy eyes, just to make him grow bolder.
'Twas made for a man, just to make his heart sing.

Then he added a mouth.

And ruined the whole fucking thing.

Ironically, thanks to a certain lady friend for the heads up...

Cutesy Wootsy Online Chatters

I have a story for you.

Once upon a time there was a guy called "George". George led an everyday normal life. He went to university, got his degree, got a job, married a beautiful woman, because this George is a women slayer. You know the usual story...

Then, one day George discovers the wonderful world of "The Internet"! George, like any hot blooded person, then discovers that there is about a billion pictures of HJOT women on the net and he . was . LOVING . it!

But, something terrible happened! George accidently clicked on a banner that went to a place of great evil... A CHAT ROOM!!!! There George changed... he was no longer George neither was he a hot blooded male... he became something else, SOMETHING UNTHINKABLE!

He became Cutesy Wootsy George. Now he no longer laughed "haha!" OH NO, that is just too much fucken effort to type out! George started saying "lol" or "lolz" or fucken "hee hee!".

WHY, WHY do you people suddenly fucken morons just because they are typing words on a screen instead of talking!!! WHY! WHY do they fucken put ridiculous little SMILEY faces in their sentences, with little fucken toungues that they stick out at you. You just want to GRAB the toungue and RIP it out their little fucken heads... and make them eat it!!!!

WHY can't you just talk normally!!! WHY do you have to suddenly act like you have lost your fucken mind!

This is a plea... PLEASE can all people just do their best to be fucken normal!

Cutesy Wootsy Jinja out.

Tuesday Night Television

Tuesday has officially become the night to stay home for some quality telly viewing. Finally (a year later than anywhere else in the world) MNet is showing the first season of Prison Break (20:30) which from the first episode last week seems will be an epic series. Nip/Tuck up next (21:30) which I missed for some reason but was told by ex-favourite room mate Judge that it was an excellent start to their third season. Weeds (22:45) looks like will be one serious mind fuck of a show, naturally my new favourite, Mikey over at The Savages has a quick rundown of the first episode.

The Mother (main character) survives her husband to a heart attack, becomes a drug dealer, catches a sixteen year old guy fucking some other grey and balding dude, walks in on her son balls-deep with his girlfriend (who happened to film her dad screwing the asian tennis coach with a racquet up his ass, and then showed it to her mother as some kind of sick revenge)... Read more here

Remember to sit yo' ass down in front of the tube tomorrow night tune it to MNet and not move, aight.

Nothing Has Changed, I'm Still In Love With Christina Aguilera

If you look real close you'll see her pockets are zipped closed. They open miraculously during the shoot.

My Christina in her latest Rolling Stone shoot, hey don't thank me - thank Attu.

Create A Zombie & Make Jessica Alba Look More Hjot

I was perusing the web, as you do, when I stumbled on the link: turn your friend into a zombie in 8 easy steps. Dari has been a real dick since he's been back so I thought "hell you never see Japanese Zombies roaming the streets in Zombie movies why not make history".

I'm currently hacking my way through Photoshop as we speak so be sure to watch this space, all will be revealed. In the mean time go learn how to create a zombie of your own.


... when you done with the Zombie move on and learn how to Photoshop the fuck out of Jessica Alba, to make her look a little more hot - if that's even possible.

I 'm a folder!

It's the age old question. Are you a Folder or Scruncher?

Check it!

TV vs Nookie

   VS   

I read in an article recently that having a TV in your bedroom halves your sex life...

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE! Seriously... PRIORITIES people, PRIORITIES...

If you really don't want to miss Survivor or whatever fucking crap reality show is on, stomp your partner WHILE watching TV. Personally, I would throw the TV out of the window if it was preventing me from Parking My Man Vegetable. While at the same time I know a friend of mine, Dyldodius McCuntScrape will do ANYTHING not to miss an episode Alias... luckily his mommy records all his programs for him.

It's only a whale, for fuck's sakes

It was headline news on Sky and BBC yet it was only a fucking whale:

My year in cities

Following Zach Klein's example, this is my year in cities in order of appearance:

Pretoria, SA*
Johannesburg, SA*
Cape Town, SA
Gaberone, Botswana*
Hazyview, SA
White River, SA
East London, SA
Morgan Bay, SA
Paris, France
London, UK
Doha, Qatar
Hopfgarten, Austria
Westendorf, Austria

One or more nights spent in each place. Those cities marked with an * were visited multiple times on non-consecutive days. I was sure I'd been to more but alas I'm not that cool. The 22 hour Contiki bus trip from London to Hopfgarten had us travelling through a number of cities but cannot be accounted for as we never spent time in any obviously, otherwise I would be winning this little meme exercise hands down - not to mention the other thousands of towns and cities we flew over.

This year will have me seeing more of South Africa that’s for damn sure. Already we've planned a golfing weekend to Wellies (Welkom) this weekend, off to Cape Town in Feb, in the throws of planning a snowboarding weekend to Tiffendell sometime June-July. G-Man, Matty, BrotherDave, Girlfriends and folks are off to tear little Morgan Bay a new one over Easter.

Where were you last year and what you planning for the big '06?

Don't go down that Dusty road...

On Friday night I got together with some of my mates, not the other posers who only go to places where you need to suck the bouncers PINIS before you go in that you read about below, and got absolutely SHITFACED... It was great.

Seen on the left is Doozi and his fucking crappy hat, Winnie. He wants Winnie to have his kids.

Not only was the booze flowing like an ANGRY tsunami but, Geriant (yes, thats his name, its too difficult to pronounce when you're pissed so he goes by the name of Beach or FuckHead) brought some skanks down that Dusy road for us. We weren't really interested, but they provided PLENTY of entertainment.

Beach was his usual sick and twisted self...

And a new term was invented... The Pole Hold!

The Molecular Man!

A hilarious skit Conan did when he hosted SNL a couple years back. The Molecular Man!

The Young Chuck Norris

The Phenom that is Chuck Norris:
- Another SNL Digital Short: Andy Samberg is a young Chuck Norris
- Chuck Norris squares off with Conan O'Brien before Conan can pull the Walker lever
- US Game Show host Bob Barker tells of tails where Chuck Norris would give him a roundhouse to the jugular daily
- The Chuck Norris sex position
- Tony Danza reads a few of the infamous "Chuck Norris Facts" to Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris is not impressed and roundhouse kicks him back in time. Who's the boss now, Tony Danza!

Related:
ChumpStyle: Best... Shirt... Ever!

News from one FUCKED up weekend - it's back, SA-style

So after missing my initial flight back home, and then a flight delay in Denver that saw me leave for silent-J Hjotlanta at a cracking 3.30am and subsequent sleeping in the airport terminal, waiting four hours for my connecting flight in Hjotlanta, and a crazy-mad 18 hours in flight to Jozi, I landed at 10.30am on Thursday morn.

I declared a mere thousand ront of goods, but with five months and six bags of shopping I knew customs would be a bitch! But I skillfully navigated customs lost within a rather unusually large crowd of Indians from Mumbai - I actually think they were all ONE family that chartered a jumbo jet. Naturally, for once, focus was not upon this dodgy Asian...

Actually it wasn't that skillfull - my golf bag fell off the trolley as I walked past the customs dude, the clink of like 10 bottles of cologne ringing through the terminal. Even then, Mr and Mrs Naidoo and family were still who he was after...

Thursday, 20 January 2006

Anyways, being the trooper I am, I attended my "Ah f'fuck he's back party" that Judgey Poo organized at Cofi, P-Town - a mere six hours after touching down. A tame-ish affair - everybody who counts was there. So glad to be back as I walked straight into the abuse of yester-year. G Man didn't crack the nod which made the night even more pleasant. Thanks to those who came out, awesome night and good to see ya'll.

We eventually made our way to Odds where we unfortunately saw G Man.

Wazza hooked up with some (not so random) hotties, including the stunning Niz (far right). Jinja got Jarheaded.


G Man finally professed his love for Judgey Poo. Seriously, on more than one occassion, in both drunken and not so drunken states, wished him and Judge were "a thing". Here they are in Odds, on the bed on the dancefloor.


Friday, 21 January 2006

But come Friday, my second welcome back party and Schizo's first farewell as he's headed UK-side to fly for the RAF and blow shit up... you know where we went. And you know how it turned out, ain't nuthin' changed - Tiger was just like it was 5 months ago.

The picture story does the night total injustice, but here's an attempt at capturing the moments as I sit here tired and headached this cloudy Saturday morning. Yip, we're all licking wounds this morn, a much cleaner option after licking whoever that may have stumbled our way last night...

The night started awkwardly as the biggest "Krr, krr" moment of the year hushed the excitement of the night... V was back in town {much behind-the-scenes knowledge needs to be known to understand the situation at hand}.


Schizo aka Sierra Lima Romeo with Da Girlz - J-J-J-J-Uniiiit. Squared.


Don rocked up with "other" friends. I swear I saw these guys in "Making the Band" last week!




Shit got totally rock 'n roll and gangsta...


And then the usual random pics with random beer-goggled hotties. And finally, to The Boyz that lasted the entire night and made the night as DESHTROYER as it should be, J-to-tha-Jamma, G-Uniiit, Dawgie Dawg, Judgey Poo and Schizo. Gents, it was FANTASHTIC!



The drive home was horrid as we taxi'd all seven peops individually to their doorsteps, with the exception of G-Man. We dropped his drunk ass on the sidewalk, and then followed him home as stumbled back to Me Julie's.


What a fucking rock star night! Controversy, rage, love, grinding and blinging the Benjamins like no other. It was a good one back, it's like shit never changed. I'm so glad to be home.

Here's to a massive INTERNATIONAL MASHETE FANTASHTIC DESHTROYER 2006. May this year be filled with such fucked upness The Osbournes' is gonna get cut from MTV!

Ever wished you were a golf putter?

FUCK KNOWS THAT I DO!

Back In The Game

I'm back to posting for YesButNoButYes ForAsLongAsTheyWillHaveMe.

Be there now.

The PBF: Yarteries

The PBF just keeps getting nothing short of funnier. If you've never read any PBF comics now's your chance.

What the internet is all about

A friend of mine named his site Pussy Galore. Excellent name in my opinion.
What is very funny is how people find the site, obviously, they get to the site when searching for pussy.
Keywords include "pussy, South African Pussy, white pussy, dark pussy, stuff in pussy, tried pussy."

WHO would search for "stuff in pussy"!? What exactly are they looking for?? A woman with a boat up her nunnun? Puss juice? WHAT!? Tell me what the fuck are you looking for you sexually crazed 13 year old who doesn't know what exactly goes in the growler, just... STUFF!

All you can eat!

I took this photo at our bi-fortnightly/weekly game of poker or as I like to call it, "Why don't the fuckheads just give me their money now and save me the trouble of taking it from them little by little!?".

GREAT T-Shirt Maryke, Marike, Maricky, howevery you spell it.

You can see more at poker.galore.co.za