ChumpStyle: December 2005

The Great Pictureless Christmas Post

Have a great Christmas and Merry New Year. I said I wasn't going to post again this year but as you can see I lied.

Austria is so much fun, the little town of Hopfgarten was not built with 150 contiki Aussies and Saffers in mind. Most locals aren't remotely near friendly which is always a laugh when they go off in German and the only thing we can do do is laugh and say "walk it off mate". In a week I have been able to pull rockstar fakie 720 and that was just off the Silver Bullet bar counter, I'll have them 900s down by the end of this week. This place gets MAD at night time think "News from one Fucked up Weekend" and times that by 10, I'm not lying.

Cheers all, Hope you having one awesome time in Mocam, Cape Town, shitty Toronto or where ever else you lads are.

The Flying Frenchman!

"A Frenchman who travelled along a motorway in the wrong direction for almost 18 km killed one person and injured three others after being involved in a series of five collisions."

5 COLLISIONS...

"No-one was hurt in the first collision, but one person sustained serious injuries in the second accident, which involved two other vehicles." He carried on driving after the first 4 collisions. That takes REAL skill, apparently he was just looking for the exit after he got on to the wrong lane of the motorway.

AND only came to a standstill when he crashed head-on into another car...

Virgin goes deep

Richard Branson is expanding his empire further into the sky with Virgin Galactic.

He is building a $225 million spaceport in New Mexico for commercial flights in space.

"Virgin Galactic also revealed that up to 38,000 people from 126 countries have paid a deposit for a seat on one of its manned commercial flights"

Personally... I definately do NOT want to be one of the first people to take one of those flights. I would prefer to be buried in the ground rather than have my ashes scattered over the ocean a couple of seconds after I ignite into a fiery inferno.

"The Virgin Galactic executive in charge of marketing the space flights, said the 100 founder members were committed to "stepping up to the plate" and boarding a flight early in the operations."

100 founder members my ass! I will bet my left testi that the "100 founders" are going to be very worried looking mexicans. -- ABC

Chump's Boobs of the Week

Unlike Wez, who likes to post women with fake mummary glands , I prefer women with REAL air bags. It's WAY classier, it's like actually getting out of your car to get some McDonalds instead of going through the drive through.

Anyhoooo, this week's set of hooters belong to... some chick from our very own Sports Illustrated. Bless her lungs for they are fantastit.

Labels: Boobs of the week

Famke rhymes with?

Ok, it doesn't actually rhyme with fuck but, FAMKE I really wish it did. So let's just pretend.

I am over Gisele... my new favourite hottie is Famke Janssen.
I first saw Famke in 007 GoldenEye where she played a leather clad spy and had climaxes every couple of seconds... (How great is that!?) I had been in lust with her from that moment on but she moved up a rank ever since she put on skin tight outfits in the X-men movies.

FAMKE me she is hot!

Best mental image EVER!!!

A friend of mine sent me a "DUDE, CHECK OUT THIS F'ING LINK!" link today, now I rarely click on any old link without a little motivation first. So I asked "Dude, what is it?". So he sent me this quote "Supermodel Jenny Shimizu says she is still Angelina Jolie's lesbian lover."

I clicked on the link faster than you can say "JIMINEY CRICKET!"

Bless her sick and twisted heart.

Jenny said: "She is beautiful. Her mouth is amazing. I've never kissed anyone with a bigger mouth than Angelina. It's like two water beds - it's like this big kind of warm, mushy, beautiful thing." -- News24

I WANT THAT! WHY NOT MEEEEE!

Cheers I'm Off

OK this is my final post for the year. On Monday I'm off to the little city of London to spend some time with my more responsible younger brother. Then the two of us are heading off on Contiki to snowboard the crap out of the slopes of Hopfgarten, Austria. Man, I cant wait. As Dave over at Wozafriday puts it:

You’re riding a shallow piste and you can’t see your board or the powder bow wave is almost in front of your knee, and you know, just know, that you can drop onto a black slope and carve like a king!

OK I have no idea what that means, but I know, I just know I'll be carving like a king! Have a great Christmas everyone, chat again in the New Year.

I'm out...

Dane Cook on Conan & SNL

Dane Cook has been smoking hot lately, by far my favourite comedian. You may have remembered him when he Jumped around on Jimmy Kimmel's couch ripping off Tom on Oprah. RP from Gorillamask unofficially I believe also had a lot to do with his success, most of Dane's content can be found there.

Well if you have had your radar pointed State side over the last while you would have known that Dane's appearance on SNL last week gave the show ratings like it's never seen for ages. His appearence on Conan O'Brien the night before was also just as good. Funny as hell and well worth the stream.

	Dane's 9 minute SNL monologue. Prepare to weep like a new born.
	Dane on Conan the night before discussing the ultimate Porno Prank.
	SNL Sweater Skit: Flipping out about wearing a knitted sweater to impress a girl.

Geeks are sexy!

See Dari I told you being a geek has its payoffs.

But only in moderation... For instance,

1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d.

Thanks to Buttercup for the pics

Paris Hilton giving Borat head!

Actually its Wezza's mom giving me head, but does it really make a difference?

Thanks to Coengie for the pic.

Labels: Paris Hilton

ChumpStyle Changes: Update

Mark updated the last banner he made for us and resubmitted it. I don't know about you but I think it looks great. At the moment if we don't receive anything better we'll keep Mark's. Any thoughts?

Go and terrorise Mark's blog here.

We legally allowed to smoke

This morning in the throws of my beauty sleep we turned 180,000 hits. Yeah! Wooo!

Ok let me give you what we like to call "The Tour de Spikes".

Spike 15 Marchish: Aquila & Joblog picked up on our god awful blog and introduced us to what we at ChumpStyle like to call the "blogoshpere" (with rock and roll quotes).
Spike 15 Mayish: Paris Hilton phone photos, need I say more? I do actually "Ho Ho Ho, Google big up bro.
Spike 5 Augish: Moshzilla, remember her? Well she kept us going, it was around that time when we thought about packing our bags and heading out of Blog Town. It was also around the time Jinj went and ditched us for Daleene/Daneele.
Spike 3 Septish: If I'm not mistaken it was around the time we first featured Marzia Prince, we shot up to #1 for the search clue "Marzia Prince Boobs" Yahoo & Google. Subsequently we've dropped.
Spike 11 Novish: YesButNoButYes caught wind of Chump (I have no idea how and why) and the rest is History, and I cemented my title as n00b contributor on their fabulous weblog doll.

Any other spikes you care to know about? Any other spikes you can explain Chumps?

We have learnt alot of things along the way, like not to use Photobucket, blog anonomously as possible, readers strangely loved our "News from on fucked up Weekend" posts, and don't post death threats, Jinja! or call anyone a 'wanker' - 'fucking jerkoff' is fine though. Sigh, god I love this place.

There we go, we've come to the end of the Tour de Spikes I hope you enjoyed it. Tea will be served at the back of the hall. Morbelli not so fast buddy, you'll get your chance. Pot, Dari will be back soon buddy and always remember to spray after you've flushed. Judge remember to take your Nitrox before you eat any cookies. DARIUS! krr krr. G Man, board is over china, loosen up. Jinj i'll speak to you in three years again when you get out of prison. Rox, don't change. Jan die Man, we miss your rage. To all the other numerous readers we've had and gained thanks guys, have a happy Christmas.

'K bye.

Labels: Paris Hilton

Cross your fingers and try again?

I had the unfortunate experience of being handed my ass on a plate by Google a few minutes ago, which I can tell you has never happened before... well thats if you don't count that one time in grade school. Is this worth blogging? Is your mother worth the shag?

No Google I'm not going to cross my fingers and try again you f#cken dumbass. How about I clench them and give you a beating until the bovine's come home, no? I need to check my unread mails and I need to check them now.

Oh forget what I said, GMail's working again. Toodle Hoo, I'm off to view hardcore Porn.

I ask only for the strength to defend my people!

Picked this up from the lads over at St Nick (well worth the sign up). Which Fantasy/SciFi Character Are You? Apparently I'm Boromir, my gut feel tells me he's from Lord of the Rings but having never seen the two movies I wouldn't have the foggiest.

With good intentions but misunderstood motives, you are a hardy, if somewhat unreliable, companion.

*Blush*, yeah that's me, my hardons are a little on the unreliable side. I'm a little jealous of my under world equivalent though, the fucker's got great hair growth.

Sheena Lee Gave Me Tounge

Oh my greatness. Remember Tuesday's Boobs of the Week post where we featured Sheena Lee, well of course you do it's only four posts below this one. You don't see it? Seriously stop fucking with me have a look again. There we go, sorted.

Well Sheena Lee left a comment thanking us for giving her the "Boobs of the week award" which she signed off with "xoxo" which if I'm not mistaken is the universal sign for tounge. Pleasure Sheena just remember the blogging world is a tight knit of back scratchers, we scratch your back and you go out and tell all your hot friends how loose and hot the Chumps are, 'K.

Salami buddy, you no longer have the hottest reader in dodgy Claudia, we've got belter Sheena. How them apples!

Related: Boobs of the Week: Sheena Lee

Labels: Sheena Lee

Bob's Pozzie

For those who don't know,The Herald is a "newspaper" in Harare.

The woman at the bookshop in Harare wanted to advertise the launch of the latest Harry Potter book in The Herald. She calls up The Herald and says: "Can I speak to somebody about putting an advert in the paper about the new Harry Potter book."
Reply: "Yes, I am Harry Potter."
She says: "No, you don't understand. There is a new book on Harry Potter and I need to put an advert in the paper."
Reply: "Yes, I am Harry Potter."
"YOU ARE NOT HARRY POTTER!"
Reply: "I am Harry Potter"
The women gets angry and slams down the phone. She calls again - this time the same thing, the person calling himself Harry Potter.

Finally, she calls her assistant and asks him to phone and speak to the person in Shona, which he does. A couple of minutes later her assistant is laughing on the phone - he gives the message and hangs up. What's so funny? The man from the Herald was saying: " I em a repota"
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Thanks Ian

Gorgeous Beerfest Belter

Um, there's something I'm forgetting to tell you about this pic. Ah forget it, just click here to view it in its fullness.

View the full gallery.

Gisele Bundchen

Like Salami, I change favourite hotties like your average woman has to change her... tea bag. Sheesh I just made myself sick... Only kidding, I'm sicker than Sean Kobin.

Annnyyyyyyway, the new love of my life, apart from G Man's sisters of course, is Gisele Bundchen. Sorry Wez, no nekkid ones... I don't have your porn finding gift. Besides, I have to hold the fort while you slakking off with dudes at YesBut... WHY must you have such a difficult name!!!

Dayyyymmnn, she is HJOT with a silent J.

When you think you've heard it all...

Sean Kobin

As soons as sicko gets put in the dictionary, they will have to update the definition...

This guy gets off on watching women chunda (puke, spew, call Ralph, bow to the porcelain god, vomit even).

Kobin, you see, gets off by watching women vomit, a process he helps along by feeding them caustic liquid substances. The 20-year-old was charged earlier this month with felony reckless injury when a woman suffered serious chemical burns after drinking a solution containing sodium hydroxide, a bleach-like substance that Kobin told cops he used at his job to strip aluminum from copper. When Chrystal Kolinski fell to the ground and began vomiting blood, Kobin captured her agony with a camcorder.

The Smoking Gun

Boobs of the Week: Sheena Lee

Sheena Lee Gallery 1
Sheena Lee Gallery 2

Class A belter. You don't come hotter than Sheena Lee, unless of course you're wearing thermal underwear under a ski suit in the middle of the Gobi Desert and even then I think Sheena would still cut you into little pieces. View the full gallery at johnnycrosslin.com.

If you have been taking notice over the last while you would have realised that the last ChumpStyle Boobs of the Week, Marzia Prince photo shots were also done by photographer Johnny Crosslin. Like Tucan Sam was when I was 5, Johnny Crosslin is now, and I'm not ashamed too say so, this is tough, he's my Hero. OK there I said it. I just hope he finds this post linking to his site via Technorati and pops on over and leaves a comment along the lines of "Keep dreaming high dreams, live your life to the fullest, WW2 was not won in a day, the FA cup is not won in May", I want to hear those encouraging cliche's like it's coming out of his ears. But alas, the only person that does really answers Technorati look backs is Robert Scoble - and I'm OK with that, well I will be after a couple of stiff ones at the local Fire & Dragon tonight.

Not many of you know that my life's ambition is not too be a "black-rimmed spectacle, wearing Room 35 down the hall when you smell coffee and cheese take a left" techie, no far from it. It's always been to be of them pseudo celebrities, you know them, the ones that should never have half made it, but did. I want that, I want too at any time I please pick up a handfull of grass and soil, sniff it heavily and say "Fuck Yeah, I half made it". I want that.

So my come-early new-years resolution is too, ok well firstly to get the distribution of the limited edition set of ChumpStyle t-shirts out the way, which by the way will be going cheap-cheap (like your mom), then, drop my faux-techie job and head off to the Hollywood of the Southern Hemisphere (well so I have read), New Zealand. Not because I've heard good things about New Zealand. Far from it. I do so desperatley crave to be known as something obscure like "The only great thing to come out of Roccowookoo since the extinct Red Wattled Spider-Snake, the South African born of English descent that made it 'big' as an actor". I can just see it, lamp post signs 5 years from now in the small town of Roccowookoo informing the local farm folk to be at Wezzo's book signing at Billy's Butcher on Friday before he heads off to the UK to star in four episodes of Eastenders.

I want that.

Labels: Boobs of the week, Sheena Lee

Playmate of the Year 2005

They are all lined up to represent themselves in the Playmate of the Year 2005, no more explanation needed except to say that 90% of them are of Easten European Descent - if that means anything to you which I suppose it doesn't.

Number 2 in the line is MINE!

Bob

A tragic fire on Monday destroyed the personal library of President Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe.

Both of his books have been lost.

Presidential spokesman said the president was devastated, as he had not finished coloring in the second one.

Thanks to Big Brutha.

Yesbutno... NO!!!!!

Our new found half fame in the blogging world lead me away from my random goings-on in an attempt to understand why an awesome blog like Yesnowhobutwhat would want to associate themselves with us, more specifically, Wezzo.

So I decided to take some time off while at work (note: it is 8.15pm on Friday and I'm still here!) to investigate the source of this craziness. When all of a sudden, WHABAM!!

Fuck you Mister Internet Administrator! It would appear that yesbutnobutyes is a smut-filled, Jesus hating, porn loving ho-down that only us Chumps would enjoy! Good on you guys, just wish I could get to your site.

South Africa needs a hero...

You right on the button Salami, South Africa definitely needs an action hero.

I saw the headline yesterday on a Pretoria News street poster "Mayhem Ensues at Home Affairs", and thought it was possibly the worst headline ever - because aint it always mayhem at Home Affairs? Last time I was there it was like being part of the cast of Star Wars. If the employees arn't 4 foot elves or 7 foot wookies, they racing each other around on motorised wheel chairs.

The article though, ended up being the best story I have read in ages. Twenty One year old Kabelo Thibedi held up the the Home Affairs office with a toy gun, while police flew his ID up from Cape Town.

“Kabelo Thibedi was set to face the music on Friday as he makes his first court appearance for holding a department of home affairs employee hostage for five hours.

In a moment of madness on Wednesday, the 21-year-old budding entrepreneur lost his cool after the department failed for two years to issue him an ID book.

He used a toy gun to hold 35-year-old Lanelle Small hostage at home affairs’ Johannesburg offices while the police flew in an ID book from Pretoria.
…
His predicament sparked strong reactions of sympathy from countless readers of The Star, who didn’t believe he should go to jail but nevertheless did not condone the hostage-taking” (via IOL)

They should have added that scene to the last Star Wars, maybe only then would it have been watchable. Kabelo, you are a true hero son, here's hoping they let you off lightly.

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Via Splattermail, sorry guys I know we have this unwritten "don't steal my shit" rule, but it was too good to pass on.

I Already Have...

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Nicked this from Die Emmers, sorry lads. How about if I link to you twice.

ChumpStyle Changes

We have had the same look and feel for just under a year now, and like you I'm getting a little tired of it. I know this is a long shot, as not many folks that read ChumpStyle have the mental capacity or the urge to click the "comment (0)" link below every post and give us any feedback.

I would like our banner redesigned, keeping with a similar red skyline theme and maybe a few other images here and there. I made our current banner with MS Paint which is telling you something. So if you have the photoshop skills and are willing to help us out, please leave your details in the comments below or email us at chumpstyle[at]gmail.com, or wezzo.palooza[at]gmail.com. The only thing we can promise you is cult fame, and to be the first person to receive the limited edition ChumpStyle t-shirt which we will be producing early next year. If anyone is wondering the shirts will be selling at around, I don't know, ballpark figure here - 600 bucks? I kid, they'll be cheap-cheap.

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Update: We have our first banner submission, Mark Forrester has stepped up and created this. We may or may not use it but so far Mark is in the lead to receive a free limited edition ChumpStyle t-shirt.

AJ Venter Pissed From the Eyes when Karin Won Idols

Well that's his own words, "last night at ten to seven I was pissing through my eyes". Jeez AJ thanks for the graphic bro. Pissing through your eyes? If there was ever a real dutchman thing to say, that’s it right there. Seth over at 2OceansVibe has a great write up about the whole deal here.

For me it wasn't as emotional though - well that’s if you don't count Complete and utter Rage. If I needed to pee it would have been through the right channels firstly and secondly it would have been on the electricals behind the telly. No, not because Karin won, well done to her, but because Mara actually said something that made sense - with her index finger rummaging through her fro she let everyone know "Eish sissy you know, I'm soo tired ne". Finally, some sense out of those smackers - ok you tired now get off the stage already. That statement right there cost me 50 bucks to the better half, it started off simple with a "I bet you Mara won't say anything that makes sense tonight", and the Missus confirmed the bet with "Oh sugar plum don't be so hard on her she's just doing her job... make that 50 bucks and you got a deal". So instead of costing me 30 or so bucks petrol to drop her off later at the airport it cost me 70 (she bought me chocolates with the other 10).

Damn you Mara Louw (thank you Google), damn you.

I've Been Headhunted

Actually we all have. Scaramouch over at YesButNoButYes mailed and asked if I would like to be a guest writer for their killer Weblog. I had to think for a full second before saying "Bring It Scaramouch, Bring it!".

So I'll be adding my 2 cents worth over the next 10 days or so before heading off to go skiing in Austria, yes you heard me correctly - those Alps aint going to be same again. And then helping out in the new year again.

I have no clue what they expect, but I hope they ready for hardcore porn - I'm kidding. They have also asked that all us Chumps contribute from time to time in the new year, so watch this space.

Did I not warn you that ChumpStyle was going to get all up in the internets face?

Kayak my pants if this happened

So Orcas look so friendly and like peaceful whales right? Apart from when they deshtroy little unsuspecting seals. Suppose that's why they used to be called Killer Whales.

Check the clip here (2MB).

Listen to the audio, f'cken funny dodgy Asians. Translation: "Ah, dinner. I give you fi' dollar for whale fin now. NOW!"

UPDATE: So apparently I linked to a JPEG - fixed now. Fucks sakes, fix the link yourself Mr ChumpAdmin!