ChumpStyle: August 2005

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I was wondering around Aquilaonline and came across this image and thought it would be a necessary regurgitation. Thanks Aquilsh, if you still are in the land of the living.

Have you always wondered who would play Jessica Alba's character in the Porn equivalent of the Fantastic 4 similarly named Fucking Fantasic 4. Or who would play Eva Longoria's character in Desperate Slutwives. Well we at ChumpStyle have the answer for the questions you ask yourselves while on the bog.

ChumpStyle's new weekly feature (we hope!): Porn Star Equivalents!

Who would play Jessica Alba's character
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vs.

"So Wezz who would play Jessica Alba's character in Fucking Fantashtic 4?" - Well little Timmy I'm glad you asked that question, because it's a very easy one to answer. Non other than that bad ass chick that seems to have been around for ever who we also proudly and wishingly call our friend - Masuimi Max, tits from the heavens and lips so full its as though they've been pumped with a horse tranc.

Gallery: Jessica... I mean Masuimi

Gallery: Jessica

Who would play Eva Longoria's character
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vs.

"Wezz you mentioned someone playing Eva Longoria's character in Desperate Housesluts" - Well Lisa firstly its Desperate Slutwives not Housesluts. Secondly I'm glad to see chicks are participating in the first exclusive ChumpStyle feature. Well who would feature as Eva in Desperate Squirtwives? Well that was a tough one Lis, I had to do a little scouring - and I came up with an answer I'm sure you would even love, non other than Carmella Decesare. *Cheers*

Gallery: Carmella

Gallery: Eva

Piggy-backing a ride

{sob!} This makes me homesick! You don't see stuff like this here!

Showed everybody here that this is a common occurrence back home (a slight exaggeration, but who cares!) and they were like, "Oh really, is South Africa that primitive?". Yip, I'm from the jungle, baby!

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I may have told them that this was the main highway into Jozi. Just doing my part to perpetuate the American idea that Africa is a country with no hope. I'm doing you guys a favour, keeping them off our shores! One American is SA is enough. Try being one South African in the US. Fucking hell!

Aussie Bashing

Sitting together on a train, travelling through the Swiss Alps, were a South African, an Australian (both guys), a young blonde lady, and little old Swiss lady. The train goes into a tunnel & a few seconds later there's the sound of a loud slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the Australian has a bright red hand print on his cheek. No one speaks.

The old lady thinks: That Australian must have groped the blond in the dark, and she slapped his cheek.

The blonde thinks: That Australian must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled the old lady. She slapped his cheek.

The Australian thinks: That South African must have groped the blonde in the dark. She tried to slap him but missed and got me instead.

The South African thinks: I can't wait for another tunnel, so I can moer that Aussie again.

Don't worry, he'll be O-KKK

Laughed out loud at this one! Yeah buddy, all of a sudden that burning cross and lynching outside that poor blacks guy's house wasn't such a good idea after all?

Scalpel. Salt. Lemon juice. Oh, I'm a-sorry, suh, is that painin' yuh? Dagg nabbit, I do apologise...

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The Hoff's successor

I always thought Tom Cruise would become the "new Hoff". But poor Gareth Cliff seems to have stepped up to the plate.

Alzbeta Lenska - Russian Goddess

Well at least I think she's Russian, I never bothered to do the research. I was doing a little s(t)(c)rolling around the Double Viking Hot Sauce section and I was litterally slapped in the face by the picture above - only it was smaller thumbnail version similar to the one below. I said to myself what any other warm blooded whitey would "DAAAAMB BITCH!! You iz HJOT, I'z gotsta be clicking on you". The rest is history folks. Sit back relax and click on the pictures of the bitch in question below.

Paris Hilton Modelled on Macaulay Culkin

Um, is someone going to explain this to me.

Labels: Paris Hilton

Will Farrel playing Neil Diamand in VH1 Storytellers

Just when I thought RP from GorillaMask couldn't get any dumber... he came back and redeemed himself. He managed to hook up an old SNL skit with Will Farrel playing Neil Diamand in VH1 Storytellers.

Watch the SNL skit here. 1Mb

Transcript:
Sweet Caroline, I wrote that song after a big show at the Forum. Gary and I had been drinking heavily. We were driving down this dark road and I hit a kid. So we got out and sure enough he was dead, so we just took off - pretty fast - and two hours later I wrote Sweet Caroline...

So Great!